


The Vow

by WuvWinchesterHugs



Series: Crossovers [6]
Category: Supernatural, The Vow (2012)
Genre: M/M, Married Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-05-20 06:43:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 21,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19371472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WuvWinchesterHugs/pseuds/WuvWinchesterHugs
Summary: Sam and Dean are happily married newlyweds, but their idyllic life together suddenly shatters when a car accident leaves Sam in a coma. When Sam wakes up, he has severe memory loss and doesn't remember Dean. He also has a confusing relationship with his parents and still harbors feelings for a former fiance. Despite these difficult obstacles, Dean is determined to renew their bond and rebuild their marriage.





	1. I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)

It's snowing in Topeka Kansas as Sam and Dean Winchester leave the movie theater, after seeing a film that Sam insisted they absolutely just had to see. When they're outside, they see the snow, and Dean can only comment,

"Unbelievable. It was barely even a flurry when we went in!"

Sam, however, just laughs at his husband's protesting, and upon seeing the smile, Dean just gives him a small kiss on the head, and they're making a run for their Impala.

Sam gets in first, cause he has more sense than the idiot outside, who's currently wiping away the snow so they can drive home. Sam gives Dean a small wave as Dean keeps wiping, before calling out, "You're good! Now get in here!"

Dean immediately gets into the driver's seat, and sees Sam rubbing his hands together.

"Shit. Can't feel my damn fingers."

Dean just rolls his eyes and reaches over to clasp them together so he can warm them up, then starts the car and pulls out of their parking spot.

Dean turns on the radio for some music, until Air Supply comes on, and he starts singing along,

"I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you

I know you were right believing for so long."

Sam, meanwhile, is giving him an extremely judgemental look and argues, "You do not like this song."

Dean pointedly looks at him and keeps going,

"I'm all out of love, what am I without you."

Sam laughs, despite himself, and demands, "Dean, come on. Turn it off."

Dean lands one last line, "I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong."

By that point, Sam's lost it and has burst out laughing.

"I'm married to a girl! You gotta stop!"

Inspired, Dean reaches over to tickle Sam, teasing,

"You love me. Say you love me!"

and this goes on for some time before they're at a stop sign.

"Ha! Knew I could get you to say it!" Dean brags, triumphant.

But it looks like Sam's got something else in mind, cause he says, "Hey, you know what I just realized?"

Dean's just looking at Sam, intrigued, "Hm?"

"We never officially christened the back seat of our Baby, did we?"

And that's such a shock to the system, Dean has to say, "W-What?"

Sam's already unbuckling his seatbelt and leaning in to kiss Dean, and Dean just goes with it.

Turns out Dean realized something too, after everything. This realization is all about moments. Moments of impact.

In this particular moment, they're both so wrapped up in getting ready to move to the back seat, neither one of them see the big truck slamming right into them.

The truck moves them forward a few feet, forcing them forward, causing the car to hit a pole, but because Sam had taken his seatbelt off, instead of being thrown back, he goes right through the windshield and lands on the hood of the car.

It feels like forever before the paramedics show up, and everyone is immediately rushing the both of them into the ambulance and going straight towards the hospital.

Sam gets pushed through the doors first, then Dean, both of them thankfully unconscious so the doctors can work.

All over Topeka, their friends immediately make their way to the hospital once they get the call.

Dean's little realization about moments of impact goes as follows. These little flashes of high intensity that turn everything on their heads, wind up being the very thing to define who every individual is going to be.

 

4 years ago

 

_Both Dean and Sam are in line getting their gun permits, and Sam's up at the front, having just received his. Once he's been handed the permit, he makes his way out of the building, right past Dean, who follows him with his gaze and smiles._

_Sam, on instinct, follows his gaze back, and sees Dean gazing back, so he gives what he thinks is a very friendly smile back._

_This would turn out to be one of Dean's absolute favorite moments, and for good reason._

_Dean follows Sam out to his car, knowing he's gonna turn back, and sure enough, once Sam realizes he dropped his permit, he grunts in frustration and turns back._

_But then, he realizes the big guy that was smiling at him earlier is right there, holding his permit._

_"You dropped this." Dean says, completely friendly._

_Sam laughs, despite himself, and admits, "Yeah. Well, I'm just here to waste my time anyway. Gotta love gun-happy morons, am I right? The awesome score that got me the permit was just a bonus."_

_Dean laughs with him, then sees the sticker in the car window._

_"Johnson County Community College. You work there?"_

_Sam denies, "No, actually, I'm a student."_

_Then it's a little awkward as they just stand there smiling at each other, before Sam finally decides to introduce himself, reaching out a hand "I'm Sam."_

_Dean takes it,  "I'm really sorry. I'm Dean."_

_Sam takes his permit out of Dean's hands, and says, "Well, thank you, Dean.", before he opens his car door to drive away._

_Or, he would've, if Dean hadn't stopped him._

_"You know something? I just noticed something, in a really non-stalkery way, that we got the same score on our permit test."_

_Sam looks surprised, "Oh yeah?"_

_Dean nods, "That's right."_

_Sam notes, "Guess you were gifted with incredible powers of observation. What score did you get?"_

_Dean blushes as he admits, "45."_

_Seeing Dean wasn't lying, Sam notes, "That's pretty impressive."_

_But it seems Dean's gotten over his shyness, cause then he says, "Well, actually, what I was thinking was that we really owe it to ourselves to go out for a drink, test out our score compatibility and all."_

_Sam can see the guy's nervous so he decides to throw him a bone, "Okay."_

_Dean clearly wasn't expecting that, "Okay?"_

_Sam nods, and Dean says, "Alright then."_

_With that, Sam closes his car door and follows Dean._

_"After you." Dean says, trying to be nice._

_They wind up at PT's, a little cafe that pairs sweets with wines, and wind up stuffing themselves silly on all kinds of chocolate, or the sugar free kind for Sam, cause apparently he's a bit of a health nut. But even then, he caves towards the end of the night._

 

_The scene changes to when Sam's working as a waiter, on a particularly rainy day, when he's come down with a small case of the flu._

_But then, he sees a box with Dean's picture on it, which prompts him to look up, and sure enough, Dean's still standing there, in the rain, watching him and gesturing for Sam to open it._

_Sam does, and there's several things inside, and he picks them up one by one, seeing there's little post-its on them._

_"For your nose." On a box of tissues._

_"For your head" On a box of ibuprofen._

_"For your heart." On a picture of Dean sitting on top of his Impala._

__

_But then Sam notices there's something else in the box, a bottle of lube, with the note, "For later."_

_Sam holds it up, smiling at the poor bastard that's still standing out in the rain, smiling back at him._

_Seeing Sam's smile is enough for Dean, so he gives Sam a wave and walks away._

 

_Then, they're both in the Impala, driving and laughing at absolutely nothing. But then Dean gets an uncomfortable look on his face, and Sam has to ask._

_"Dude, did you just fart?"_

_Dean immediately denies, "No!" But then caves. "Maybe just a little."_

_But Sam completely surprises Dean by actually rolling the window up instead of letting the air circulate._

_Dean has to say something, "That is messed up. But definitely earns some brownie points in my book. God, I'm so whipped for you, it's not even funny."_

 

The flashbacks end then, and Dean's in the hospital, arm in a cast, holding Sam's ring in his hands while Sam gets an MRI.

Hopefully the doctor has good news for how his husband's doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments comments comments!


	2. Leaving on the 5th

"As you know, your husband's CT scan showed intracranial hemorrhaging." The doctor tells Dean as she walks him to where Sam's room is. "We purposely keep patients with brain injuries in a coma to give their systems a chance to calm down and their brains time to heal while the swelling goes down, then very slowly, we wean them off."

But Dean's not really listening. The thing is, every person is the sum total of every moment of they've even been through, with every person they've ever met.

Finally, Dean's at Sam's bed, and upon seeing his husband with a tube in his mouth, has to sit on the edge. Before he can think to do anything else, he takes the ring he'd been holding onto, and slides it onto Sam's finger, and gives Sam a small kiss on the forehead.

It's moments like these that become a part of a person's personal history. Like your greatest hits of memories you play over and over again.

 

_Flashback_

 

_Dean walks outside his friend door while eating breakfast, only to see Sam feeding a stray dog._

_"You hungry, girl?" Sam asks the dog._

_"Hey." Dean calls out._

_Sam replies, "Hi."_

_"What you doing?" Dean asks nonchalantly._

_"Nothing." Sam acts coy, rushing back inside._

_"Oh really?" Dean plays dumb._

_"Nope." Sam keeps up the act as he goes to grab breakfast._

_Dean calls out to their other friends, "Foods ready!" Then, he turns to Sam, "Hey, if you keep feeding that bag of fleas out there, it's gonna wanna keep coming back. And I'm allergic!"_

_Sam rolls his eyes as he grabs the orange juice and fruit from the fridge. "Like how you're "allergic" to salads!"_

_"It's rabbit food! I can't stand them!"_

_Sam replies, smug, "Exactly. But you're not allergic." Turning to their friends. "Anyone want some berries I got from the farmers market?"_

_"Buying groceries, huh? That's a bad sign. Cause we all know what that means." Kevin remarks._

_Jack pipes up, "Hey, I like him. He's like our mascot."_

_Sam's confused, but he just says, "Thanks. I think." As he pours orange juice._

_Kevin says, "I'll take him over that snake you wanted us to adopt. And he makes awesome coffee! Keep him!"_

_Dean, meanwhile, has just finished making a special plate of pancakes for Sam, and walks over to set it down in front of Sam._

_Immediately, Sam sees a problem with the chocolate chips spelled out on the plate. "'Movie?' Might wanna check a dictionary, Dean, cause that's not how you spell movie."_

_Frustrated his gesture got messed up, Dean reaches over to rearrange the chips again, this time spelling what he was actually saying._

_Move in?_

_Now that Sam can actually see the words, he smiles, and reaches over to give Dean a kiss, but not before he says, "Yes." In answer to Dean's question._

 

_The scene changes to their wedding day, at the Johnson County Community College, right on the quad, both grooms in their tuxedos._

_Sam starts his vows first, "I vow that you will never be the only one to carry the burden of life alone ever again. I will show you with my actions how much I love you every day, so that one day, you will see the amazing hero you are to me. I will make sure you always get your pie and not bring you cake unless it's asked for. I have made mistakes, and the fact that you love me even more despite them, is what makes me know you are the only one I will ever need."_

_Dean's so stunned, all he can think of to say is, "Wow. Upstaging me at my own wedding. Who would've thought?" But then he notices something. "Did you write your vows on a menu?"_

_Sam says, "Yeah. Why?"_

_Dean pulls out an identical menu, and Sam holds up his own and laughs at the irony._

_Then it's Dean's turn to say his vows._

_"I vow to be your partner and your equal through every bump in the road so far. Death is only a pause, and even if it should become permanent, I will always be with you. I vow to never give up on you, no matter what goes on, or who tries to turn us against each other. Nothing is perfect in this life, but I vow to you I will make it the best I can, for you, forever.”_

_Then Kevin, who got officiated online so they could have the wedding here, asks the both of them, "Do you take each other as spouses for the rest of your lives?"_

_Dean goes first, "I do."_

_Sam's so happy, he almost forgets to say his, but eventually says it, "I do."_

_Kevin says, "Then by the power vested in me by the state of Kansas, I…"_

_But then he cuts himself off, as the whole crowd's just been spotted by campus security._

_Everyone starts taking off to avoid getting caught, but Kevin says quickly, "I now pronounce you married, and best friends forever."_

_Sam and Dean share a quick kiss before making a run for it, hand in hand._

_It's not until they're far enough away that they stop for their real kiss, and in that moment, all is right with the world._

 

_Then the scene changes yet again to Sam in his flower studio, trying to put together a big flower arrangement. He's working really hard on it, but for whatever reason, this one's just not coming together as well as he'd been hoping, and on impulse, shoves himself away from the table in frustration._

_Hearing this, Dean shuts off the music Sam had on full blast, and Sam says, "I have one design. One flower crown design, and it's...just not coming together."_

_Dean comes up behind Sam, assuring him, "You'll be awesome."_

_Sam's still freaking out, "Shit. I'm gonna have to call them. I'll just call them and tell them I can't do it."_

_Dean picks up a small flower and make it talk in a cutesy voice, "Come to bed, Sammy."_

_But Sam's still too stuck in his head about the arrangement, so Dean moves in and starts tickling Sam's neck with his mouth._

_Sam attempts to protest, "No, don't. Don't!" But it's futile, and they both know it, and before long, they're both on the ground, until Sam protests again, "Come on! Stop!"_

_Dean relents, "Fine." And moves away. But then he looks at what he thinks is the arrangement, and tells Sam, "This one looks really interesting. I know it's not perfect yet, but I'm already seeing a theme. It's got  like a…" Dean wiggles a finger at it, "Jungle madness thing going on, with all the stalks there. It's different, but I dunno. I think it's already coming along nicely."_

_But Sam's just looking at Dean with that goofy smile, and Dean has no idea where it's coming from, "What?"_

_Sam tells him, "You really do love me."_

_Dean gets all embarrassed, "Aw, shuddup, Sammy. You know I do."_

_Sam goes on, "I know you do, because." He gestures to another table, "This is one of the flower crowns._

_And that." Going back to the other table, "Is the chop pile. Which I'm now keeping."_

_Before Dean can say anything, Sam grabs him in a kiss, and Dean pushes Sam onto his back on the floor, the arrangement all but forgotten as Sam pulls Dean's shirt off, ending with the both of them butt naked in the bed usually reserved for the late nights when Sam has to pull an all nighter._

In the present, Dean can see Sam's starting to wake up, and he lets out the breath he'd been holding since he'd been able to move out of his own bed. It's so good to see his husband waking up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments comments comments!


	3. Forget About the Future

Sam's breathing tube has been removed, and very slowly, he opens his eyes.

Nearby, Dr. Hastings tells Dean, "Don't crowd him. He's gonna be a bit groggy, so give him some space."

As Sam slowly opens his eyes, Dean can't help but speak up, "Hey, Sammy."

As Sam starts looking around the room, Dean can't help but continue talking, "It's...good to see you awake."

Sam appears to still be confused, so Dr. Hastings steps in.

"Sam? You're in the hospital. You got in a car accident and hit your head, but you're doing fine. We just put you to sleep so you could recover."

Dean asks, "How you feeling?"

Sam finally says something, "Head hurts."

Dr. Hastings assures him, "Don't worry. That's normal. I'll be sure to get you something for that."

As Dr. Hastings walks away, Sam directs his next question at the man sitting on the end of his bed,

"Was anyone else hurt, doctor?"

And that stops Dean cold. So much so, he refuses to even process it, so he asks, "Sam, come on. You know who I am, right?"

Clearly confused, Sam responds, "Yeah. You're my doctor, aren't you?"

Dean definitely heard it that time, and there's no pretending he misheard. Not knowing what else to do, he seats himself by Sam's bed, and tells him,

"Sam, I'm your husband."

That does nothing to reassure Sam, instead it seems to make him agitated, and when Dean tries to reach out a hand in comfort, Sam pulls it away, a look of apprehension on his face, but that makes him notice the ring on his finger, eyes wide as he stares at it.

Finally, Dean has to step out of the room, the doctor following after him.

"Mr. Winchester?" Dr. Hastings calls.

"You said he'd be fine!" Dean yells at her.

Dr. Hastings explains, "Brain injuries aren't like a broken bone or a sprain. The human brain is completely unpredictable. Now and again, because of how the swollen tissue pushes against the skull, it can cause some issues."

Dean sputters, "S-some issues? He doesn't fucking remember me!"

The doctor keeps explaining, "Even while awake, the swelling can cause confusion or memory loss, or even severe mood swings!"

Dean can't deal with all of this, "W-What?"

Dr. Hastings assures him, "But it's normal!"

But Dean's done listening, so he storms out of the hallway, all the way to the waiting room, where he literally can't think of anything to do but lean against the vending machine, and before he knows it, his legs are giving out on him, and he's sliding to the floor, twisting his wedding ring.

There's Dean's little theory for you. Moments of impact define who a person is. Thing is, Dean never stopped to consider the possibility of if, one day, a person couldn't remember any of them.

 

Hours later, Dean's passed out on one of the waiting room couches, and Sam has left his room. Upon seeing Dean sleeping, he tentatively approaches him, and taps him several times on the shoulder until he wakes up.

Dean rolls around a little before turning his head towards Sam, then sits himself upright and says to Sam, "Hi."

Sam still looks nervous, so he asks, Dean, "Whatcha doing?"

Dean states the obvious, "Catching z's."

Even if he doesn't remember Dean, Sam still smiles.

Dean hands over a duffle bag he set on the table. "Brought you some clothes."

Sam says, "Thanks." He looks at the bag for a moment, before telling Dean, "I'm actually kind of hungry."

Dean smiles and agrees, "Okay." Before following Sam to the cafeteria.

As Sam makes himself some coffee, he tells Dean, "So, I just wanted to clear a few things up about you and me, about us."

Dean agrees, "Okay."

Sam asks, "We're married?"

Dean confirms, "Yep."

Sam asks, "And I have weird hair."

Dean laughs, "I think that's a bit of a close minded way of looking at it. You said it was too much of a bother to keep it looking like your signature mop, and you thought you were better off wasting that time in your flower studio."

But Dean just revealed another thing Sam forgot, so Sam latches onto it, "My flower studio? Why do I have a flower studio?"

Carefully, Dean explains, "You're a horticulturalist. A florist. And a damn good one, too. Right now, you're working on putting together a big arrangement for Lallapalooza, which is a really big deal. Almost every florist in the state of Kansas would've given their right arm for that job. But your flowers at the Johnson County Home and Garden Show were really something special, so they gave it to you."

But Sam's not thinking about any of that, "What about my law degree?" At Dean's silence, Sam fills in the blanks, "I don't have a law degree?"

Dean admits, "I think you were pretty close to graduating."

Now that he knows that, he's back on the flower thing, "Last time I showed interest in any kind of plants, I was in high school."

Sam walks off then, so Dean decides to track down their friends to tell them about this recent development.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments comments comments!


	4. That's What Friends are For

"I'm sorry, but how are you not looking at this as a win?" Gabriel asks.

Dean looks at him, highly skeptical, "Really? My husband not remembering the last 5 years? That's a win?"

Kevin agrees, "You're such an idiot.", and throws their lunch at the guy.

But Gabriel defends himself, "If he doesn't remember anything about you, then you've got a clean slate! All the stupid embarrassing stuff you've done over the years, it's gone. You can start completely over."

Kevin adds, "Honestly? My worry is if he doesn't remember you, how's he gonna remember he loves you?" Charlie smacks him on the arm. "What?"

Gabriel keeps joking, "You want the truth, I was surprised he actually fell for your sorry ass the first go around."

Charlie agrees, "And you're not exactly in your prime anymore."

Despite everything, Dean laughs. "As always, I know I can count on you guys to make me feel better." But still, "Seriously, what if he really doesn't remember me? What am I gonna do?"

That's when Charlie kneels down right in front of Dean, and informs him, "Shut up. He will remember you. And he'll remember all of us too. We're family."

That definitely helps, and Dean says, "Yeah, you're probably right."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short update, but I'm about to leave on vacation, and I don't know if I'll be able to write while I'm gone. Hope this is enough for now!


	5. Stealing Cinderella

After a restless night of sleeping on his and Sam's couch, Dean comes back to the hospital, now fully committed to being there for his husband.

Only problem is, when he gets to Sam's bed with another bag of clothes, it's now empty.

Immediately, he heads to the ER's receptionist and asks,

"Excuse me. I'm looking for my husband, Sam Winchester. He was right in that bed!" And points to the now empty bed.

The receptionist types a few keys and quickly answers, "Looks like he was moved into his own room."

Dean's surprised by this, but just says, "Sounds like someone else beat me here."

And makes his way to the room the receptionist gives him.

As he reaches the room, he hears the doctor talking to Sam about his long term memory,

"Your long term memory is still intact. Which makes me extremely hopeful your lost memories will come back in no time."

Upon seeing an out of breath Dean enter the room, Dr. Hastings addresses Dean,

"Mr. Winchester! Glad you're here."

But the doctor's not alone with Sam. A man and a woman are standing next to Sam's bed, and all Dean can think of to say is,

"Wow. Talk about awkward family reunion. I'm Dean, Sam's husband."

But the other man isn't interested in being civil,

"Do you have any idea how it felt to get the news our son was in an accident and had been in the ICU for weeks, from a secondhand source?"

The woman speaks up, "You should have called us immediately!"

Dean looks away, "I'm…sorry."

But from the bed, Sam notices something odd about this whole conversation,

"You've never met my parents before?"

Nobody speaks up to volunteer anything, so Sam continues,

"This doesn't make any sense! Why haven't you ever met him?"

But the woman, Sam's mom, addresses the doctor instead

"What's the next step for Sam?"

The doctor replies,

"Soon as he goes back to his life, his normal routine, the sooner his memory should come back. In about a week or so I'm gonna recommend Sam see a neuropsychologist."

Sam's dad replies, "Whatever it takes. Therapy, specialists, we'll take care of it."

Sam's mom strokes Sam's face, smiling,

"You'll come back home, so I can take care of you."

Sam's dad adds, "We can get your room all ready for you, I'll even take time off."

But Dean can't let them,

"I'm sorry to butt in here, cause believe me nobody is more grateful for the help than me, but the doctor said Sam should go back to his normal life. And that's with me."

Sam's mom is too quick to add, "It's also a life she doesn't remember."

Dean argues, "But he will. The doctor literally just said that."

Sam's dad argues back, "No, the doctor said he MIGHT remember."

Sam's mom pipes up again, "So why not have him at our home, surrounded by people he actually knows? That's what's best for Sam."

Sam tries to speak up, "Mom…"

But he's drowned out by Dean, who fires back,

"Oh really? Cause from where I'm standing, not once have you asked Sam anything."

Before anyone can say anything else, Sam speaks up loudly, covering his face with his hands

"What I want is for everyone to stop fighting for just one damn minute!"

Dr. Hastings finally speaks up again, "Nothing is set in stone. I think we all just need to head home and get some rest. From what it sounds like, we all need it."

 

Later, Sam's in the hospital cafeteria, demanding answers.

"How the hell could we possibly be married and you've never met my parents once?"

Dean really doesn't want to admit this, but it's pretty obvious Sam's not gonna let this go,

"Sam, you haven't so much as called them in years."

Sam scoffs, "That makes no sense. Why would I just stop talking to my entire family?"

Dean can admit this much, "It happened before we even met."

Sam is skeptical, "And we never even talked about what happened?"

Dean confesses, "Oh no. We did."

Sam shakes his head, "And? What was it?"

Dean tries to steer the conversation away, "First off, you wanted to move to the city and make the hour's drive to Overland Park. Your dad really wanted you to stay and finish your law degree."

Sam starts to get a little upset, but Dean goes on,

"He uh...had a pretty good idea of what he thought you should be doing with your life. And things just blew up from there."

Sam looks down at his food as he tells Dean,

"What I clearly remember is being in law school and being engaged to Brady."

Dean bristles at hearing the name of Sam's ex, but before he can respond, Sam's getting up, saying, "I just… I can't." and starting to walk away.

But Dean can't let it end like that, so he follows Sam to the entrance, and calls out, "Sam. Sammy!"

When Sam stops to turn, Dean reminds Sam,

"The absolute best thing for you is to go back to your normal life. With me. You were there when the doctor said it. That's the key to your recovery."

But Sam just can't accept that, "But you keep forgetting one important detail. I. Don't. Know. You. So what, I just get in your car and live in your apartment?"

Dean's starting to get desperate now, "It's our apartment!"

Sam asks, "And no proof whatsoever of us falling or currently being in love?"

Dean states almost choking up, "Oh I dunno, how about the fact that were married?"

Sam tells Dean, "Marriages happen for all kinds of reasons."

Dean would laugh if the situation we're happening to literally anyone else, "Example?"

Sam tries, "Like...a weekend in Vegas?"

This time Dean does laugh, just a small snicker, "I assure you, anytime we went to Vegas, we were already married."

Sam moves on, "Did I keep a diary?"

Dean shakes his head, "No. Not that I know of."

There doesn't seem to be anything else to say to that, so Sam just walks away, back to his hospital room, leaving Dean feeling more hopeless than when they were first admitted.

 

It's a few days later when Sam's all dressed and ready to leave with his parents, a little embarrassed at what he's wearing,

"Sorry. All I could find."

Sam's mom brushes it off, "It's fine. We're just heading home."

Then Dr. Hastings comes back in, "Sam. Am I to understand you're leaving us?"

Sam quickly responds, "Oh. Yeah. That's what they're saying, anyway."

Meanwhile, Dean's racing to the room, hoping to get there before they leave.

Dr. Hastings is giving Sam a few small reminders, "No driving until I give the all clear. Barring that, see you in 4-6 weeks." , And hands Sam a slip, and walks out as they all say their thanks.

Right as they're about to walk out, Dean walks in.

"Wait." and holds out his phone. "I have a voicemail. From before the accident."

Sam might be giving Dean what could be the start of a smile, but Dean's too excited to show Sam what he found.

"You were asking about evidence."

Sam's definitely interested, "Okay. Sure. Let's hear it."

Dean taps a button, and soon, everyone in the room can hear Sam's voice,

_Hey, Dean! Sorry, I'm still holed up in my flower studio. I'm actually missing you like crazy, all my bouquets even have green flowers to match your eyes. So, what're you doing later? I need my Vitamin Dean fix. Anyway, call me back. Love you._

The voicemail ends, and everyone doesn't say anything for a few, before Dean admits sadly,

"Okay, I guess it wasn't exactly anything concrete like you were hoping. Not a lot of proof of anything."

But surprisingly, Sam says, "No, actually. It's nice. I actually sound...happy."

Sam looks to his parents, who are naturally a little upset at having their plans be changed at the last minute.

But Dean moves closer, reminding Sam, "Remember. You dropped out of law school, you ended it with Brady and moved to Topeka. All before we even met. Call me crazy, but I think you owe it to yourself to just give it a try. For now, at least."

Sam's mom finally says something, "You're making a mistake, Sam."

Sam looks to her, and Dean assures her, "I will take extraordinary care of your son." Then turns back to Sam. "Come home. Please. We'll figure it out. Like we always do."

Sam's so confused, he's not sure what the right thing is here, and finally sighs, looking at his parents,

"I guess I could just give it a trial run. See if it does help my memory. I can always change my mind and come home if it doesn't work out. I did marry the guy. Had to be for some reason."

Sam's mom finally relents, "A cautious patronage."

Dean pipes up, "But I'll take whatever I can."

With that, Sam packs his things into Dean's car, and they're driving home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments comments comments!


	6. Ball

The drive home could be just another one of many, with a few small differences.

Number one, Sam doesn't remember all the previous times, and number two, he's a lot more self conscious than he was the entire time in the early days of their relationship.

"God, I look ridiculous." Sam says now as he looks at the scar in the rearview mirror.

Dean just smiles, and assures Sam, "Nah, you look fine, Sam."

But Sam's onto something else, looking out the car window as he asks, "Where do we live, anyway?"

Dean answers honestly, "Just a few minutes away from the city."

Sam then asks, "Who's the president?"

Dean asks, just to be sure, "Of the United States?"

Sam nods.

Dean is so not looking forward to telling Sam this, and sure enough, once Dean says the name, Sam's reaction is completely understandable.

"You can't be serious. A tv show host? In the White House? What bizarro world have I dropped into here?"

Dean assures Sam, "If it makes you feel better, you didn't vote for him."

Sam still asks, cause he doesn't know either way, "I didn't?"

It's not long after that they reach their apartment, and Dean opens the door for Sam, who cautiously gets out, still not sure about this whole thing.

As they reach the front door, Dean says to Sam, "Welcome home."

But that's nowhere near enough of a warning for what awaits them inside.

"SURPRISE!"

Suddenly, a bunch of voices are shouting at once, welcoming them inside, with loud music on in the background.

For a normal person, this would be a nice gesture, and if Sam remembered anyone here, he'd probably feel touched.

But he doesn't remember anyone here. Not even the person he supposedly married. So when an energetic redhead grabs him in a hug, he kind of freezes, trying to listen to what she's saying.

"We were there every day you were in the hospital, but Dean had us stay away."

Dean adds, "It's true. Had to get a guard to keep them away."

The redhead tells Sam, "We really missed having you around here."

Sam tries to make conversation, "I'm guessing we're close?"

That's a little awkward, but the redhead just speaks again, "I'm Charlie, and this is my girlfriend Kara."

That's how it goes for the next several minutes.

"This is Jack."

"Hey, Sam. You look great."

"And Gabriel."

"Jesus, Sam. Did you work out in that hospital?"

 

Thankfully, Dean sees it's a bit too much for Sam, and it's not long after that the party ends prematurely, and Dean takes care of saying goodbye to everyone.

"Bye everyone. Sorry the party ended early. It's just...you know."

"Take care, Dean."

And with that, he closes the door to look for Sam, who seems to have retreated into the bedroom, sitting at a desk covered in files and pictures of flowers and sniffing the cologne bottle left there.

Dean carefully sits down on the bed behind Sam, trying to gauge how he's feeling,

"You okay?"

Sam says sarcastically, "Take a good guess."

"I know.  It's overwhelming, huh?"

"No." Sam says quietly. "Overwhelming is coming to an apartment I've never seen before, with a guy I've never met. That's overwhelming. But back there? Where everyone's hugging me, grabbing me, crying in my face, talking about a bunch of shit they might as well be making up, that's not overwhelming. That's complete and utter bullshit."

Now Dean's kicking himself, "I know. I swear it wasn't supposed to be that many people."

But Sam doesn't care, "Can you please just leave me alone?"

Dean still tries to say something, "Sam, I'm sorry."

Sam's too upset to appreciate it, "Are you not gonna get the hell out?"

That's when Dean decides to get up, trying again, "I'm sorry" before starting to walk out.

Sam says through his own tears, "I'm sorry."

Dean just says, "Don't worry about it." And leaves the room.

Sam doesn't move from the desk as he says again, "I'm sorry."

Dean moves to the couch, taking off his shirt and laying down for the night.

Definitely not the way he pictured Sam's first night back home going.


	7. England

Come the next morning, Sam's already up and stepping out of the shower with a towel wrapped around him, when he notices a picture of a tattoo stuck to the mirror. Oddly, it looks like the body might actually be his, and once he lowers his arms, sure enough, there it is.

It's not that big, just some sort of weird flaming pentagram. But still. He's barely been in this life for 24 hours, and now he has a tattoo on his chest.

"Oh, God. Mom's gonna kill me." He mutters as he walks away from the mirror to get dressed.

Elsewhere, Dean's waking up and on instinct, goes to the bedroom to pull some clothes on.

Unfortunately, Dean still doesn't realize the full ramifications of Sam's memory loss, so when he walks in, he's getting dressed, and just says, "Good morning.", thinking nothing of it.

Sam says, "Good morning." back, but then suddenly remember he's in an apartment with someone he doesn't know, and grabs a towel to cover himself up.

Dean, confused, asks, "What? What's wrong?"

Sam replies, "You could've knocked!"

Then Dean seems to have woken up some, and remembers how new this all is for Sam, "Right. Sorry. Force of habit." But then he tries to make a joke, "Oh well. Not like I haven't seen it before anyway."

And the bluntness of that statement loosens something in Sam, and then he's snickering, despite trying to stay serious. "I should not be laughing. You really should've knocked."

Dean shuts the door to their shared bathroom then, and that's the end of their conversation for the moment.

Once Sam's dressed, Dean's already in the kitchen, with an impressive breakfast spread on the kitchen island.

Once they look at each other, they can't help but laugh, maybe left over from earlier, or just to cut some of the tension, until Dean notes,

"Nice jacket."

Sam looks down at what he's wearing, just a simple t-shirt with a leather jacket, and says,

"Oh thanks. Pretty much the only thing I could find in the closet that feels comfortable."

Dean takes a sip of orange juice and tells Sam, "Actually, that's mine."

That makes Sam a little self conscious, but Dean assures him, "No worries. Looks pretty good on you, if I'm being honest."

Sam tries to make himself busy, while Dean just keeps looking at him, before Sam finally turns to Dean and asks, "What?"

Dean tries to deny it, "Nothing."

Sam argues, "You're looking at me like I'm sort of weird scientific experiment."

Dean shakes his head before admitting, "Sorry. Guess I'm trying to figure all this stuff out too."

Sam doesn't reply, just pours himself some orange juice and goes to sit at the island, looking more closely at the spread in front of him.

"Is this a normal thing around here?"

Dean shakes his head again, "No. I kinda... wanted to make up for last night. I don't know what I was thinking."

Sam takes a sip of his juice and assures Dean, "No, I'm actually sorry. I don't want you to waste any of your worries on me. Just...act like everything is normal."

Dean nods in agreement, then Sam asks, "Do you have a job?"

Dean snorts, nodding as he says, "That's if my business hasn't gone to hell already."

Sam shrugs to gesture for Dean to continue, so Dean says, "I own my own baking business."

This is definitely intriguing to Sam, "Neat. So...what does my routine look like? What do I do with my time while you're working?"

Dean actually has to think on that before answering, "Well, you...make coffee."

Sam starts to move, "Okay. I can do that."

But Dean's already getting up, "No, no. I already made some beforehand."

When Dean turns to pour, he sees Sam about to eat a piece of bacon, and reaches out to stop him, "Whoa. No. That's actually my bacon. You're a bit of a health nut."

That's definitely something Sam doesn't remember, but he still spits it out. "Oh."

Dean goes on as he pours the coffee, "You uh...check emails, pay bills." But then he thinks better of it. "Which you can't do because you don't remember any passwords or account numbers. Okay. Guess that's up to me."

Sam laughs a little, cause just the thought of not remembering account numbers or passwords is just insanely funny.

"Then you go down to your flower studio." Dean tells Sam. "I can take you there. Show you the arrangement you were working on."

But as interesting as that sounds, Sam decides something like that would be too much for him, and tells Dean, "Nah, not today. We don't need to dig up the old haunts all in one day. Just go do your job. We can make visual aids later."

Dean's still skeptical, "You sure?"

Sam nods, "Yeah. Believe me, I'm fine."

Finally, Dean decides to give it a shot, "Alright." He picks up a phone and keys on the island, telling Sam, "If you need me, you got your keys and phone. All the numbers you need to reach me are in there."

On instinct, he moves to kiss Sam goodbye, but before he can, he stops himself, remembering this morning, and just settles for a pat on the shoulder. "See ya."

To his credit, Sam does say, "Have a good day at work." as Dean walks through the door.

Once Dean's gone, the first thing he does is grab the bacon and eat it anyway.

 

Dean gets to his bakery in no time, greeting Charlie's girlfriend, "Hey, Kara."

Dean asks nonchalantly, distracted, "How's it been?"

Kara admits, "Honestly? It's been hell without you here. Yesterday, we somehow overlooked two orders that had to be done at the same time."

Dean doesn't really see the problem, "Too many clients wanting our goods? That's a good problem to have."

Kara reminds him, "Yeah, but because we're so short staffed, and one small kitchen, it's a miracle we managed to pull one of them off. The other client went elsewhere."

That makes Dean look up, "What? Are you serious? That was an important client. Important clients get prioritized first. You know that."

Kara finally turns to Dean, "Hey. I'm doing the best I can here. I can't exactly be making them, delivering, and handling the orders all at the same time. It's not a one person job."

Dean reminds her, "It's not like I'm doing this on purpose, okay?"

Kara nods in understanding, "I know. Believe it or not, I'm not mad. I'm just saying…" here she stops to give Dean a sad look, "Quality is slipping."

Dean tries to blow it off, "So what? I'm here now, aren't I?"

Kara asks, cause any friend of Charlie's is a friend of hers, "How is Sam?"

Dean admits, "He's getting there. He's…" He almost spills his guts, but then catches himself, "Hey, have I said thank you yet?"

Kara smiles, "Must've slipped my mind."

Then it's back to business, "So you'll be here for the 3:30 delivery?"

Dean objects, "Of course! But right now, I'm gonna head home, change, check on Sam, but I'll definitely be here."

Kara knows in all likelihood, she'll have to do the job on her own, but because they're friends, all she says is, "Okay."

 

Back in the apartment, Sam's just rifling through the bookshelves, looking for more hints about his life in this apartment. It's almost pointless, but then he sees a sticky note on a blank DVD case.

He picks it up, and sees, "More evidence." written on it, so he immediately puts it in the DVD player, and hits play on the player's remote.

Once the DVD starts, the camera focuses on what looks like an outdoor setting, and then, he sees himself standing next to Dean, reciting his vows,

_"I vow that you will never be the only one to carry the burden of life alone ever again. I will show you with my actions how much I love you every day, so that one day, you will see the amazing hero you are to me. I will make sure you always get your pie and never cake unless it's asked for. I have made mistakes, and the fact that you love me even more despite them, is what makes me know you are the only one I will ever need."_

The whole thing is so cute, Sam can't help but laugh, but then he hears Dean's vows,

_"I vow to be your partner and your equal through every bump in the road so far. Death is only a pause, and even if it should become permanent, I will always be with you. I vow to never give up on you, no matter what goes on, or who tries to turn us against each other. Nothing is perfect in this life, but I vow to you I will make it the best I can, for you, forever.”_

Needless to say, Sam has no idea how to feel. To hear so much love coming from this man he doesn't even know, it's just too much for him.

Then, he decides he has to get out of the house for a bit. 

What exactly does one do in the city of Topeka?


	8. This Too Shall Pass

A few things become abundantly clear once Sam's walking around the city. One, he forgot his phone, so now he can't call Dean. Two, he has no idea where he is, or how to get back. And three, now he's hungry from walking around aimlessly.

That last one he can do something about. What about here?

Sam walks inside and looks at the sweets on display in this little cafe, before telling the woman at the counter,

"Hi, can I get one of these?" and points to what he thinks would be a safe bet, a cheese danish.

However, apparently Sam's a regular in this place, cause the woman immediately asks, "You don't want your usual?"

Sam asks, "I have a usual?", then decides what the hell. "That's perfect. I'll have the usual."

As Sam walks out with his "usual", which apparently consists of a pistachio croissant and a chai tea, he picks a direction and just starts walking.

What he doesn't see is Dean at a flower shop across the street, buying a bouquet carefully selected for Sam, even if he doesn't remember any of the flowers meanings.

Unfortunately, once Dean gets back to their apartment, Sam's not there, and that makes him go on high alert. Especially once he sees Sam's phone and keys still on the kitchen island.

On Sam's side, he's starting to get a bit overwhelmed once he realizes how lost he actually is, and has no idea where to go.

On instinct, he goes inside the first store he sees, walks up to the cashier, and asks,

"Hi. I'm a little lost. Can I borrow your phone?"

 

Dean's still running up and down the streets looking for Sam when his phone rings.

"Hello?"

Unfortunately, it's not Sam calling. It's Kara. "Hey, Kara." A beat. "I know it's 3:30." A longer pause. "I'm sorry, but I can't. Sam's missing, and I gotta track him down."

This is followed by a bunch of objections on Kara's side, which Dean doesn't appreciate.

"I don't know. Figure it out. But I can't be there. I'm sorry."

 

Sam's standing on the sidewalk when a truck pulls up, and John Winchester gets out.

"Hi, Dad. I'm sorry. I just didn't know who else to call."

John waves it off, "Get in."

And Sam does, waving off any questions of concern John tried to ask.

 

The end result is it's hours later when Sam finally shows up to a very worried Dean sitting on the couch waiting for Sam to turn up, in an outfit completely different from the one he put on this morning.

"Hey." Dean starts. 

Sam replies, "Hey." back, and that prompts Dean to start asking his questions.

"Where did you disappear to? Was getting worried."

And despite everything, Sam knows he owes this man an explanation, as he unpacks some of the bag he brought with him.

"I know. I'm sorry. I got lost in the physical sense." Then he remembers, "Well, I guess in the mental sense too."

Dean tries not to sound like he's prying, "Why didn't you call me?"

As Sam pours himself some water, he explains, "I kind of... forgot the phone. And I don't exactly know your number."

Dean nods at that, but Sam's not finished.

"So I called my dad. We hung out and had fun the whole time. He invited us over for dinner."

That surprises Dean, "Dinner? Okay."

Sam offers Dean an out, "You don't have to come."

Dean jokes, "Actually, I do, because you still haven't been cleared to drive." But at Sam's look, he gets serious, "But that's not the point."

Then Sam decides to get serious, "Hey. Look, this whole thing sucks for me too. And maybe by tomorrow morning I'll wake up and you'll have the old me back. But right now, my parents are the one thing I actually do remember."

Dean nods in acceptance, knowing Sam has a good point, "Okay then. Guess we're going."

But Sam notices something, "Aren't you gonna change?"

Dean doesn't even think twice, just moves to the bedroom to get out of his work clothes. 

"On it. Changing now."

Once Sam decides Dean's clothes are satisfactory, they get into the Impala and make the half hour drive to Lawrence.


	9. Get Myself Together

Half hour later, they're driving around the neighborhood, making their way to the Winchesters house.

"It's a left right here, right at the cul-de-sac, then 4 houses in." Sam tells Dean easily, like it's the most natural thing in the world.

Then Sam notices something out the window, "Ohmigosh. They got a new mailbox!", before turning his attention back to the flowers Dean had originally bought for Sam.

"I know I'm supposed to be the flower genius, but somehow I don't think this arrangement says, 'I know I cut you out of my life, but maybe my memory loss can make up for it.'"

Dean says offhand, "You're right. Should've sprung for forget-me-nots."

The flippant comment prompts Sam to say, "That's... actually funny." then looks out the window, with one last comment of, "That actually is funny."

Then they're there, so Sam feels obligated to brief Dean on who they're gonna be meeting as they walk up to the door.

"So, you've met my parents already. My dad will tell you to call him John, but he expects you to call him Mr. Winchester. More than likely my best friend was invited too, who's name is…"

"Garth." Dean chines in before Sam can tell him, making Sam turn around in surprise.

"You would be surprised at the things I know about your family, Sam." Dean says simply.

Sam waves this off as nothing more than them being married, "Right." And then they're there.

 

Once they're all seated at the table, Sam is seated next to Garth, who clears his throat and gestures to his girlfriend Beth, who casually holds up her ring clad hand, and Sam gasps in surprise.

"No way. You're engaged?"

Garth nods, "I know."

Dean just smiles at how happy Sam is, who then says, "You two are so cute as a couple."

Beth says, "Thank you, Sam."

Garth notes, "My God, has it been forever."

Sam asks, "Has it? Weirdest thing so far is seeing how much older everyone looks."

Then Mary comes in with dinner, who announces, "Bon appetit. In honor of having Sam back, I decided to make Sam's favorite." And lowers the plate to the table. "Good old fashioned brisket, with bourbon peach glaze."

This makes Dean cock an eyebrow at Sam, who mouths, "It's fine."

Once Mary seats herself at the table, she speaks again,

"I think tonight is perfect for a toast." And raises her glass. "Hon?"

John, on the other side of the table, raised his own glass, starting, "To my family. I am so glad to have two people in my life that mean as much as they do to me. That kind of harvest is always bountiful. Welcome home, Sam."

John ends it with, "To family.", and everyone else raises their glasses, repeating, "To family." And clinks their glasses together.

That out of the way, John then decides it's the perfect time to grill Dean,

"So, Dean, tell me about your family. You visit them often?"

If Dean's been made uncomfortable by this he doesn't show it, answering, "Uh, no."

John shakes his head, not bothering to hide his disappointment as he says, "That's too bad."

Then Dean adds, "They both passed away a long time ago. Sam's all I've got."

That's definitely pressure Sam doesn't need, so Mary speaks up, trying to be more civil.

"What exactly do you do, Dean?"

Dean answers this easily, "I just opened my own bakery in the city."

Mary had no problem turning her nose up at that, but Dean isn't finished, "Sam's actually the one that convinced me to turn my talent into a business."

This is more stuff Sam wasn't aware of, who just says, "I did?"

Dean nods excitedly, "Yeah."

Beth pipes up now, asking, "Isn't that kind of risky in this economy?"

That makes everyone starts at her, who quickly defends herself, "No, I just mean, can't people just buy a mix and be done with it? And still have them taste the same?"

Garth is nice enough to speak up, "Beth!"

But luckily, Dean's not offended, and answers calmly, "Little thing about the goodies I make. They inspire warmth and bring back memories. Like grandma's apple pie or chocolate chip cookies. Common staple in people's childhoods, right?"

As he passed the dishes around, he finishes, "You're not gonna get that from a mix. You're gonna want childhood memories mixed into them by knowing they're made from scratch. You want real chefs making them, not a mix."

But he still acknowledges Beth's original inquiry, "So, to answer your question, yeah, I guess it is a bit risky in this economy, and in most cases, a mix will taste just the same. But some things, like childhood memories, you just can't get that same heart from a mix."

That whole explanation leaves the table speechless, before Garth finally says, "Wow!" and that prompts everyone else to say a round of "Wow!"s.

 

Later, they all go out to a bar they all apparently frequent, and Garth tells Sam excitedly, "Everybody is gonna be here tonight."

Dean tries to warn them, "A scene like this might be a little too much for Sam."

But Sam's completely changed his tune, "No, actually, I'm completely fine here." and waves at everyone seated, including a woman he swears he's seen in the past.

"Isn't that Kate Milligan?"

Garth quickly pulls Sam past her, "We don't talk to her anymore."

Once they reach one end of the room, Sam immediately grabs the people at the table in a hug, who enthusiastically hug him back.

The whole thing strikes Dean incredibly bizarre, remembering the disaster of a party from just last night.

Sam introduces him to his high school friends, calling them all by name, and Dean waves at them in greeting.

"Do I get an introduction too?" Comes a voice from behind, and when Sam turns around, he recognizes him immediately.

"Hi!" Sam says, in a surprisingly happy voice.

Once the guys says hi back, there's a small awkward silence, before Sam remembers his manners, "Sorry, this is…"

But Dean finishes for him again, already knowing who it is, "Brady."

"Long time no see, huh?" Brady asks, all the nonchalance in the world.

Strangely, Sam seems a little nervous as he asks, "Has it really? I never would've known. You still look exactly the same."

Dean attempts to insert himself here, "Not sure if he said. I'm Dean, Sam's husband." And shakes Brady's hand.

Brady barely gives Dean a glance, "I'm going to grab a drink. You guys want anything?"

Without even thinking, Sam orders, "I'll have a White Russian."

That surprises Dean again, "Really?"

But Brady's not surprised at all, "I remember." and goes to grab it for Sam.

Then Sam sits with his high school friends, laughing and talking with them about stuff Sam clearly still remembers.

Dean, however, is left just standing there like a wallflower, not talking to anyone, and knowing he shouldn't sit with Sam either.

Already, he feels himself being pulled further away from his husband, who barely acknowledges him for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The recipe for the brisket can be found here: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bonappetit.com/recipe/braised-brisket-with-bourbon-peach-glaze/amp


	10. Unanswered Prayers

"You should've seen him. It was like he was some weird Stepford, White Russian drinking country boy." Dean tells Kara the next day as they work on an order together.

Kara asks, "Country Stepford? Really?"

Dean goes on, "He even flirted with Brady right in front of me!"

This is news to Kara, "Wait. You don't mean ex fiance Brady?"

Dean drops another bomb, "Oh no no. In Sam's mind, it's current fiance Brady. And having his stranger husband cock block him all night probably got annoying too."

Kara's just trying to process it all, "Wow. I don't even know what to start unpacking there."

 

Later, they're outside on break, and Kara asks, "So, what makes him tick?"

To Dean, that's coming completely out of left field, and asks, "Who, Sam?"

Kara responds sarcastically, "No, his dad. Yes, Sam!"

Dean plays dumb, "What, you mean when we're in bed?"

Kara rolls her eyes, "Good God, Dean."

Dean defends himself, "Hey, come on. That's a little personal. It's... between me and him."

Kara encourages him, "Hey, I won't judge. This is me, girl in a relationship with Charlie Bradbury, the cosplay queen, you're talking to." Dean's still not sure, but then after looking at Kara again, decides to cut his losses, "He likes being kissed on the back of his neck."

That definitely wasn't what she was expecting, "Really?"

Dean accuses, "Hey, you said you wouldn't judge!"

Kara immediately defends herself, "I'm not. I just...hey, if you're into cutesy stuff, who am I to judge?"

Dean shakes his head, "No no, it's not like that. It just gives him a focal point whenever he gets stuck in his head."

Kara nods in understanding, "Okay. You know something? You should try that."

Dean is skeptical, "Seriously?"

Kara nods, "Totally. Got nothing to lose by trying."

 

Elsewhere, Sam's taking a cab to Brady's law firm, and taking the elevator up. Truth be told, Sam was pleasantly surprised last night when Brady showed up, and now he can't help but follow his instincts to go see him again.

Sam walks right past the receptionist's desk, who actually does a double take when she sees Sam walk past, but Sam just walks straight to where he knows Brady is, only to walk in on Brady while he's on the phone.

Brady turns when he sees someone enter, and when he sees it's Sam, he promptly hangs up, and walks over to Sam.

"Hey, Sam."

Sam just says, "Hi." back, so Brady offers him a seat.

Sam sits down graciously, then immediately explains, "So, do you remember back when we were still in law school, and you told me regardless of where we wind up, we'd have each other's backs?"

Brady nods, "Yeah, I do."

Sam asks, "Well, I'm calling in on that now. What happened between us?"

Brady laughs then, "Only Sam Winchester could break my heart, then come back and ask what happened."

This is news to Sam, "I dumped you?"

Brady confirms, "Indeed. A cruel, hard, almost to the altar dumping."

Perhaps Sam's a little biased because of his memory loss, but it just doesn't make sense to him, "Why?"

Brady shrugs, "That's a question me, my friends, my therapist, and all my one night stands have yet to find the answer to."

Sam does buy it, "You have to know something. No reason at all?"

Brady tries, "Well you... you were different. You changed the way you talked, the way you dressed. Law school just didn't hold your attention anymore. And you definitely didn't want to marry me anymore."

That makes Sam wonder, "Did I at least give you your ring back?"

Brady nods, "I'll give you credit where it's due. You did."

Sam knows this is none of his business, but he's still curious, "Does anyone else have it now?"

Luckily, Brady's not offended by the question, "Not right now, no. But I've been dating Ruby. Remember her? You two went on a few casual dates before deciding it wasn't gonna work out?"

Sam nods, and Brady continues, "We reconnected after law school, and now we've been dating for a year."

Sam nods as he takes it all in, as Brady says, "It's not like I was gonna wait forever, Sam."

Sam never would've expected him to, but he still jokes, "What, you mean in all that time, the scenario where I get into an accident and lose my memory from brain damage and come strolling back into your firm demanding answers, never crossed your mind? What kind of ex are you?"

They share a laugh at that, then Sam decides he's been here long enough,

"I'm sorry. I should let you get back to work."

Brady says, "Okay.", then suddenly, he finds himself hugging Sam, who's wrapping his arms around Brady.

And if that wasn't surprising enough, when Sam pulls back, instead of letting go, he leans in and kisses Brady, who to his credit doesn't push him off.

When they do finally separate, all Brady says is, "That was unexpected."

Sam apologizes, "Force of habit.", then keeps going, "I seriously didn't even realize I was gonna do that until I did."

But now, he's thinking about something else, "I just can't fathom how I just disappeared from everyone else's lives for 5 years. In my mind, there's something seriously wrong about that "

Then Sam decides he really should go, and after they share a more formal goodbye, Sam makes his way back to the apartment.

On the way there, it hits him like a bolt of lightning. All he has to do is piece together the stuff he does remember, and put it together in a timeline, and maybe, just maybe, he'll be able to pinpoint his absolute last memory before it all goes blank.

Sam smiles at this plan. This is gonna be the key.


	11. In the Pink

When Dean gets home, he finds Sam surrounded by a huge pile of photos and other things on the coffee table, and when Sam looks up, he can't help but feel like the worst kind of snoop.

"Hey."

To his credit, Dean just says, "Hey." back, so Sam asks, "How was your day?"

Dean shrugs, "Oh, you know. Fine. Just glad it's over so I can be back home." and gives Sam a small peck on the cheek.

Thankfully, Sam doesn't seem too upset by this, just goes back to his little project, apologizing, "Sorry about this whole mess here."

Again, Dean's not bothered by it, "No biggie. What are you doing anyway? Collaging?"

Which makes Sam wonder, "Do I collage?"

Dean denies, "Not that I know of."

Then Sam turns back to the pictures, explaining, "I was just so inspired by seeing everyone last night."

Dean's not quite connecting the dots, "And inspiration told you to...collage?"

Sam goes on, "All these memories just came flooding back, so I thought, why not make a timeline of my life."

Now that Dean understands, he agrees, "That's... actually a pretty good idea."

Sam's looking away as he admits, "I sort of went through some of your stuff. You mad?"

Dean shakes his head, "You don't have to ask permission to go through my stuff. What's mine is yours. And I have a certificate from the state of Kansas to prove it."

Which reminds Sam, "Right. I found that, and put it over there." And he points to a pile off to the side, "In the lost years."

Then he gestures to the part he's working on now. "I started with these, using old family photos from when I was a kid. That was easy to put in the timeline, cause that's all stuff I remember."

Dean nods as he follows along, "So far so good."

Sam then tells Dean, "Right, but now, what I'm trying to do is figure out where exactly is the cutoff. What's the very last thing I remember before it all gets wiped out?"

Dean asks, "What's the verdict?"

Sam tells Dean, "I think I was at the Levee Cafe, and I asked the waiter if they had their special sausage gravy biscuits. But the answer is gone. That's it. That's the last thing I remember before waking up in the hospital."

Dean says in mock despair, "Oh no. Now we'll never know if they have sausage gravy biscuits."

That makes Sam laugh for a moment, but all too soon, the reality of the situation comes crashing down again, and all Sam can do is bury his head in his hands, grunting in frustration. "Why must this be happening to me?"

Dean puts a hand on the back of Sam's neck in assurance, "Hey, it's alright."

But Sam can't appreciate it at the moment, "This should not be happening to me." And lightly thumps his head on the table.

Dean tries to get Sam to stop, massaging his shoulders, "Hey, come on. You don't need to do that."

On instinct, Dean leans down to push Sam's hair away from his neck, and puts his lips on the back of Sam's neck, hoping it helps.

Unfortunately, this Sam isn't familiar with Dean's methods of helping, so when he feels Dean's lips, he flinches and jumps out of Dean's reach. "What the hell was that?"

Dean now knows that probably wasn't the best idea, and immediately apologises, "I'm sorry. That was stupid." and walks away, unable to stop himself from feeling hurt.

But Sam's not completely naive, and asks, "That was one of our things, wasn't it?"

Dean just keeps walking away, waving it off, "Yeah, but don't worry about it."

Sam tries to follow Dean, "I'm sorry, I didn't know!"

But Dean doesn't want to hear it, "No, it's fine. You don't have to apologise. This is gonna take time. But you'll eventually get it all back. Just gotta keep it all up."

Then Dean goes behind their bedroom door, so he can let a few tears fall out. 


	12. Get Some

The next morning, Sam already has coffee made when Dean wakes up, and when Dean's settled on the couch drinking a cup, Sam walks up to him to out his plan in action. Hopefully this makes up for last night.

"Hey."

Luckily, that's all Dean needs to look up, so Sam tells him,

"I think I'm ready to see my flower studio."

That makes Dean immediately set his coffee down, so Sam asks as a formality more than anything else, "Will you show me?"

Dean's very excited about this development, and gets up from his seat, "Absolutely. Follow me."

Unfortunately, in that excitement, Dean fails to see the look of doubt on Sam's face, just gestures for Sam to follow.

 

The studio itself actually isn't close to their apartment, Dean has to drive Sam a few blocks away to another district, and even then, they go into the back door, in the alley.

Dean goes in first to unlock the door, then Sam follows, and tries his best to not be overwhelmed by what he sees.

All along the walls are pictures of bouquets, wreaths, and bouquets with fake flowers, making it quite apparent this is no doubt a flower studio.

As Dean watches Sam look around, Dean starts telling Sam the story, "First flower studio you don't have to share with other students. Pretty neat space, huh?"

It could just be having to take in so much new information, but Sam can't think of anything to say but, "Wow."

Dean goes on, "Believe it or not, though, you still had your doubts. You weren't entirely sure you even liked it at all."

Sam listens as he keeps looking at the photographs on the walls, trying to get a sense of what he was thinking when he made them.

"And then, you got the idea to bless the whole place with holy water, in a little glass container you'd gotten from some weird religious guy in a trenchcoat."

Dean can't stop himself from smiling as he tells this story, "We took the thing and just started flinging the water everywhere, splashing the water all over the floor." Dean pauses here to catch his breath, "Until we realized it was actually just some lake water in a fancy bottle."

Sam looks at Dean at this part, and Dean shrugs, "So essentially, we were just blessing the place with dirty lake water."

That makes Sam smile, but Dean's got one last part to add, "But it must've done something, cause after that, you might as well have moved in here. You'd come in here, turn up the music full volume, and just get lost in the flowers. Was a miracle if I could tear you away long enough to come home for dinner. Hell, some nights you even made yourself something quick and easy so you could eat here and keep working."

Needless to say, Sam's just feeling a little insecure at yet another part of his past self he feels like is completely lost to him.

Then Sam stops at a table with a vase, which at this point is now filled with dead flowers, but there's also a variety of fake ones next to it.

"That's part of the arrangement for Lallapalooza." Dean explains.

Sam's confused, "What exactly was I going for here?"

Dean admits, "Honestly? I think even you didn't know yet."

But then, Dean's so inspired by seeing Sam in his studio again, he moves over to another part of the table, telling Sam, "C'mere."

Sam's at a loss about all of this, but he still moves to where Dean is, and Dean hands him two of the trimmers, telling him, "Try and visualise what it should look like."

This is rapidly spiraling out of control, and Sam weakly tries to tell Dean, his hand shaking, "I... don't know anything about how this works. I've never used thess before."

But Dean pushes, "Course you do. Wait, I got it."

Dean moves to the stereo and hits the play button, and the whole place is filled with loud music. "There we go."

Dean moves back to Sam, telling him, "Give it a shot. Might work."

This doesn't help, if anything, it makes it worse, so Sam asks, "Can you turn it down please?"

But Dean's not really listening, "I swear it gets way louder than this. No idea why you liked it, but maybe it's part of the creative process for you."

Finally, Sam can't take it anymore, and throws a trimmer on the floor, yelling, "I have a clinically bad headache, okay?!?! Turn. The fucking. Music. Down!"

And Dean finally does, walking over to the stereo and turning it off.

But suddenly, it's like something breaks in Dean. He's tried to be patient, and now he's just hit his limit. He smacks a hand on the table, yelling,

"I'm trying to help you!"

That gets Sam's attention, but Dean's not done yet, "But I'm not indestructible."

Then, cause he just can't make sense of it, "We don't talk to each other like this!"

Sam looks away at this, but Dean reminds Sam, 

"You're not the only one who lost something, Sam."

Then, Dean's done, and just walks out, leaving Sam there until he's ready to leave too.

Sam hasn't moved from his spot, almost like he's frozen, but then, he moves to look at the pictures on the walls again, but unlike before, now they're just reminders of what he's lost, reminders of what he just can't be, not even for Dean. It's the literal pedestal Dean's put him on, one hell never  be able to live up to, not with his past self gone, possibly for good.

Resigned, he turns away, throwing the other trimmer on the ground and just walks out. So much for making up for last night.


	13. Just a Dream

The next day, after Dean gets home from work, he finds Sam writing something, only to rip it out once he sees Dean, hating how guilty he feels.

"Hey, Dean."

Dean doesn't really see any issue, just tells Sam, "Stopped by that bakery you like and picked something up for you.", all about making things better.

Then Dean hears a noise in their bedroom, which prompts Sam to stand up, ready to explain.

When Dean asks, "Is someone else here?", Sam replies, "Yeah."

When the bedroom door opens, Sam's dad walks out, addressing Dean, "Dean." as Sam goes to grab something else, explaining, "Garth's just going crazy with the wedding. Got an engagement party to plan…"

Then John takes over, "We all thought it was best if Sam came home and help the poor guy out."

Sam takes it back then, looking at Dean, "Just seems like it's for the best, to...be there for Garth."

Dean's not fully grasping what's happening here, "Okay...but what about your life? You've got so much work you need to get caught up on."

Sam says flippantly, "Talked to the event coordinator. He was surprisingly understanding about the accident. Dad's helping me pay back their advance."

Sam packs some clothes into another bag as he says, "I dunno. Just can't do it."

That's when it really starts to sink in, and Dean doesn't really know how to respond.

Sam tries to be optimistic, "I'm sorry. But it's just until the wedding is over."

What he doesn't say is how most likely, this is permanent. He gave it his best shot, and none of it worked. He's not gonna stick around somewhere he doesn't remember, with a husband in love with someone that no longer exists.

Dean just says, "Just...be careful, okay?"

Sam doesn't quite get where Dean's coming from, "Dude, it's not like I'm dropping off the face of the Earth. I'm going to be with my family."

Hearing Sam so blatantly disregard Dean as his family hurts, and Dean almost says something, that would guarantee Sam would stay put, "I know, but…"

Sam pushes, confused, "But what?"

But then Dean reminds himself it's not his place to tell Sam the truth, and just says, "Can I at least have an awkward hug?"

That's surprising enough to make Sam laugh, and decides Dean deserves that much, and goes to hug Dean.

Dean tries to hold on for a few seconds, but Sam pulls away first, and then he walks out, leaving Dean by himself to figure out what the hell he's gonna do now.


	14. The Hand That Feeds

"So how are you feeling?" Dr. Hastings asks as she checks the dilation in Sam's eyes.

Sam answers, "I feel just fine."

Dr. Hastings asks, "Oh yeah?" when Sam nods, she asks, "Don't feel dizzy, disoriented, sleepy?"

Sam shakes his head, "None of the above."

The Dr. Hastings says, "That great.", and makes a note in her charts, also addressing Sam's mom, who came with him,"And your CT scan is looking really good."

Mary smiles, "That's a relief, huh?"

Dr. Hastings asks, "So, what about your memory? Is any of it coming back?"

Sam has to shake his head, "No, not really.", and when he sees how the doctor writes that down, he asks, "That's not normal, is it?"

The doctor responds, "The human brain is anything but normal, and so is anything associated with it. No two brain injuries happen the exact same way."

Mary's quick to tell the doctor, "Well, to me, Sam's exactly how he's supposed to be. It's like we got his old self back."

Sam smiles at hearing that, but the doctor asks, "Mrs. Winchester, can I speak to Sam by himself for a moment?"

Mary looks like she wants to argue to stay, but Sam's quick to say, "It's okay, Mom. I'll be okay."

Hearing that, Mary stands up and exits the room.

Once they're alone, Dr. Hastings turns back to Sam and asks, "Sam, I want you to be honest with me. Do you want your memory to come back?"

Sam immediately responds, "Of course I do!"

The doctor explains, "A lot of people who lose their memory worry getting their memory back means the trauma comes back too. But thankfully, more often than not that doesn't happen."

Sam tells the doctor, "I assure you, that's not the issue. The accident doesn't scare me."

Dr. Hastings asks, "But…?"

Sam thinks on that, trying to put it into words, before admitting, "I dunno. What if I don't like who I was? Or what if I don't remember the me I am now, and go back to pushing my family away?"

Dr. Hastings tells Sam, "I realize any advice I have on this will most likely be taken with a grain of salt, but if it were me, I'd be trying to put the pieces together. You can still change things, but if you keep trying to make the memories stay gone, you'll just be living your life scared of your own past."

Sam nods, then gets up to leave with that in mind. He's not sure if he fully believes what the doctor said, but there was at least some truth to it.


	15. Save Room

Kara's talking with their newest clients when Dean shows up, in nicer clothes than you'd expect working in a bakery.

"Hey. Who are these fine people?"

Kara responds, "The Thompsons.", and tells them, "Now, why don't you try and tell us your vision?"

The man responds, "I did tell you our vision."

Kara whispers to Dean, "The only thing they've told me is cinnamon."

To the Thompsons, she says, "Give us a minute to talk more about your vision." And moves towards Dean, noticing his attire, "Nice threads."

Dean looks at what he's wearing, acknowledging, "Yeah. So listen, I'm gonna be in and out of here for a while."

But that's not something Kara can accept, "You realize when people come to us, they want it from you. I'm doing my best, I really am, but you still need to be a part of it."

Dean agrees, "I know, you're right. But if Sam's in Lawrence with his family, then I have to be too. I gotta find a way to get my husband to fall for me all over again."

Then Dean leaves for the engagement party, leaving Kara to deal with he Thompsons by herself.

 

The party's in full swing when Dean arrives, and goes straight to talk to Beth.

"Hey. Still feeling the countdown, huh? One week left before you're married. How do you feel?"

Beth tells Dean easily, "Actually, pretty good. Although if I think too hard on it, I feel like I'm gonna faint."

Garth just happens to hear this part, and looks hurt at hearing that, "What?"

Beth tries to cover, "No, no, it's good. Like, somewhere between panicking or excitement."

Garth asks, "Those are two very different things, hon."

Beth tries again, "There's gonna be so many people there."

That's when Dean tries to intervene, "Do you sometimes feel a weird tingling in your fingers too?"

Beth nods, "Yeah. But is that a bad thing?"

Dean explains, "The lead singer of Radiohead, he talks about getting dizzy spells all the time. But it's when he feels tingling in his fingers that he knows he's about to make something amazing. Then he plays so hard he almost passed out. Call me crazy, Beth, but I think you might be on the verge of making something incredible."

That definitely makes Beth feel a lot better, who goes off to talk to her mom, while Garth hangs back to ask Dean, "Is that true?"

Dean nods, then wanders off on his own, taking a sip of his drink when he sees something he's not expecting.

"Sam?"

When Sam walks out, he's also dressed nicely, and addresses Dean, "Hey, Dean."

Dean just says, "Wow." at the sight in front of him.

Sam's a little confused, asking, "What?", so Dean just says casually, "Your hair."

Sam's dyed his hair a slightly lighter color, light enough for Dean to notice, since Dean last saw Sam.

Dean says now, "It looks... different. But really good."

Sam blushes, despite himself, "Thanks."

But then, Dean decides now's a good time to move onto the newest plan he's cooked up.

"So, I've been thinking, but first, I gotta know something."

Sam's curious, but agrees, "Okay. Shoot."

Dean asks, "What's your favorite book?"

That, Sam has to think about, "It's probably not the one you remember it being."

Dean waves it off, "No worries.  That's not the point."

After thinking about it, Sam responds, "The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner."

Looks like Sam's still able to surprise Dean, even now, "Are you serious?"

Sam says, "Yep.", slightly confused by Dean's reaction.

But Dean quickly recovers, "Okay. The Sound and Fury. So, I'm guessing if it's your favorite, you most likely loaned it to someone, didn't you?"

Sam thinks on it for just a second, then says, "Yeah. I think it was Garth, actually."

Dean goes on, "Then you probably were thinking something like, 'Man, I wish I could be them so I could read it for the first time all over again."

Sam nods, still not sure where Dean's going with this, "I suppose."

Then Dean goes right to the point, "Well, I was just thinking that's how we should look at our situation."

Seeing Sam still needs help seeing it, Dean explains, "So, you can't remember how we met." Sam nods. "And you can't remember how we fell in love. Which, I know, has to suck."

Sam doesn't say anything, so Dean says, "But it was the best time of my life. And I got to thinking, what if I had a chance to do it all over again."

Sam nods, now understanding, "Like getting to read your favorite book for the first time."

Dean nods, "Exactly. Which is why, Sam, I'm officially asking you out on a date."

This throws Sam for a loop, "A date?"

Dean continues, "Just two people meeting for the first time."

Sam considers it, but then reminds Dean, "I...don't know. Don't forget, there's still the wedding."

But Dean's not phased by this, "Which means if it goes well, I can still be your plus one. No promises, but I think the odds are in your favor."

That makes Sam smile, and apparently seems to help him make up his mind, because he says, "Okay."

Dean asks, just to make sure, "It's a date?"

Sam confirms, "It's a date."

That settled, the rest of the evening passes without a hitch, and Dean heads home to get ready for his second first date with his husband.


	16. Nothing Was Stolen (Love Me Foolishly)

Dean quickly heads home to change, then he's heading right back out to Lawrence to pick up Sam.

When he leads Sam out to the car, Dean explains what his plan is, "I kind of have an idea for tonight, but we need to be in Topeka to do it. That okay?"

Sam says, "Yeah. Just, remember I gotta be back by 10 in the morning."

But Sam must've said something wrong, cause Dean says, "Jesus, Sam."

Sam has no clue what he could've said, "What, what's wrong?"

Dean jokes, "Can't believe you're already inviting yourself to stay the night before you've even bought me a drink."

Sam doesn't get Dean's just messing with him, so he protests, "No! I meant…"

But Dean's quick to let him off the hook, "Relax, Sam. I'll be sure to have you back on time."

Then goes to close the passenger door, but then he takes it back, offering, "Unless, of course you want to stay the night. If you want."

But seeing Sam's not going for it, Dean lets it go, "Let's just see where this goes, huh?" and closes the door.

 

It's not long before Dean reaches their destination, which probably looks weird to Sam, since it's just what looks to just be a random parking space.

They don't say anything for a moment as Sam looks around, trying to see the significance, before giving up and asking, 

"We supposed to get out of the car?"

Dean shakes his head, "We can, but it's not necessary."

Sam's suspicion goes up, before asking, "Alright. Be honest. You're not really my husband, and you're a stalker that lured me all the way out here to strangle me?"

That makes Dean laugh, "Nah, you'd probably overpower me if I even tried.", then he tells Sam, "This happens to be the exact parking spot where we first met."

That clears up the confusion in Sam's eyes, as he leans back to look at the parking spot from this new angle.

Dean goes on, "Tonight, I thought I'd take you on a little tour of some of our greatest hits."

 

Later, they're at PT's, the same cafe they went to on their first date, right as they're finishing breakfast for dinner, with Sam saying, 

"Wow, that is definitely good."

Perfect time for Dean to ask, "Ready for dessert?"

This throws Sam, "Dessert? We just had waffles! And don't think I didn't see you go straight for the BvS Special."

Dean says, "Waffles are good any time of day. But this is our real dessert."

Then someone from behind the counter comes up with a little sampler with chocolates and glasses of wine.

Sam's intrigued, asking, "But how do we know what chocolate's which? Or which one goes with what?"

Dean explains, "That's part of the fun. Kind of a Russian roulette with chocolate and wine. They have an option where you can ask to have them all mixed up, so the wine put in front of a certain chocolate isn't necessarily the one that's paired with it. There's also the added surprise of which chocolates we like, and ones we didn't."

Maybe cause this dates going so well already, but Sam decides to make the first move this time, grabbing a chocolate and putting it in his mouth.

Dean watches for Sam's reaction, "And the verdict?"

Sam's face immediately changes to one of slight disgust, "Oh, wow. That one is not working." then goes for the wine that was in front of it, despite Dean's warning, but once he sips it, he realizes his mistake. "And neither is that."

Dean feels bad, so he grabs one himself, offering it to Sam, "Here. I think this was one you liked. And try it with..." Dean looks for a moment, then points to another glass. "This one."

Sam puts it in his mouth, letting it really sink in. This one is definitely better.

Dean notices, asking, "Better, huh?"

Then Sam goes for the wine Dean pointed to, and finds Dean was right.

Dean smiles, "Had a feeling that one was good."

But Sam's not about to clear these all by himself, and points to the sampler, "Your turn, bucko."

Dean grabs one he thinks might be a safe bet, but then sees Sam grab another one too.

"Oh I see. We're doing a shot for shot thing?"

Then once Dean puts it to his lips, Sam does the same, before each grabbing a glass at random and sipping.

This goes on for a while, some pairings working out pretty well, even if they're not the right ones, while others might as well be a disgrace to chocolate and wine tasting, the horrible way both the chocolate and wine clash.

Once they're done, Dean tells Sam, "Wait till you try their sweet coffee drinks. We'd always come here to pick one at random whenever it snowed, not caring what we got, just wanting to warm up and satisfy our sweet tooth."

Sam jokes, "You sure you're not a witch trying to fatten me up?", but that makes Sam accidentally spit out some of his wine, and Dean can't stop himself from laughing.

 

Once they finally finish up, Dean drives them all the way out to Kanopolis Lake, and parks right in front of the swimming area.

Once again, Sam doesn't know what to make of it, and after they just look at the water for a while, Sam asks, "So...what? We just park here and stare at the lake?"

Dean snorts before answering as he starts to take off his shirt, "Not exactly. We do a little more than that."

Sam starts to get uncomfortable, thinking he knows what Dean has in mind, "I'm sorry, I'm not...I can't…"

Dean quickly disputes, "No no. Not that, promise. We have this tradition where we jump in every month." As he finally gets his shirt off, he goes on, "We still gotta make up for April. This was actually more recent, back in July last year."

That's even weirder than what Sam was thinking, and he laughs at the absurdity, "Seriously? What would possess us to do something like that?"

Dean tells Sam the story, "We were eating out at this little Italian place, and our server, who's somewhere in his 70s or so, said he did it. So we thought we'd give it a go."

Then Dean reaches into the backseat to pull out a wetsuit, telling Sam, "Now, our rule is no wetsuits, but because this is a unique situation, I'm making an exception."

Sam just looks at Dean for a moment, and maybe he's a little tipsy from the sampling, but he makes his decision pretty fast. "Alright. I'm game. Turn around.", and when Dean hesitates, Sam insists, "Turn around!"

Dean obliges, and as he waits, he sneaks a small look while Sam's got his shirt over his face, then turns back to the window, then Sam says, "Okay. I'm ready."

When Dean turns back, he's surprised to see Sam as bare as he is, save for their boxers.

"No wetsuit?"

Sam teases, "That's the rule, right?", then opens the door and makes a run for the water.

Dean's so surprised by this, he has to act quick to move to shit Sam's door, honk to get Sam to slow down, then gets out himself to chase after Sam.

Sam hits the water first, and it's like he stuck his feet into an ice cooler, flinching from the cold and trying to run for the shore.

But Dean's not letting him get out that easily, and grabs Sam's waist to pull him back in, and because Sam's not prepared for it, falls back into the water easily.

Dean holds Sam there just long enough so Sam can adjust to the cold, then once Dean releases Sam, Sam keeps a hand on Dean's arm as he follows Dean into deeper water, when suddenly, Dean falls into the water, pulling Sam with him.

Dean actually goes under for a second, while Sam manages to keep his head above.

Once Dean's surfaced, he manages to get upright and help Sam back up, Sam offers his back so Dean can piggyback him back to shore.

Dean takes it, and once they hit the sand, Dean wraps Sam in all the towels they got, then it's a mad dash back to the car, as there's no way they can be in the cold for another second.

Sam gets inside first, slamming the door shut as he pants, "Warm. Need to get warm."

Dean follows shortly after, telling Sam as he slams his door shut, "I think my left eye's frozen shut."

Sam's too focused on his hands, and without thinking, he holds them out, "My fingers are nearly frozen."

Dean doesn't move, cause this feels way too much like right before the accident, when Sam did the same thing. 

Then Sam says, "Close to frostbite.", and Dean reaches out to warm them up, clasping Sam's hand together and breathing hot air into them. 

Sam doesn't know what it is, but the way Dean's looking at him makes him think this isn't the first time something like this has happened before.

Looks like this date's turning out to be really, really good.

 

Then they go back to the apartment, leaving the lights off, as Dean throws his keys aside, leaning in to kiss Sam.

Sam stops Dean, telling him up front, "No idea what your Sam let you get away with on the first date, but with me, first base is as far as I go."

Dean's all too eager to take whatever he can, and leans in to actually kiss Sam.

It starts off nice and soft, but apparently Dean thinks he's falling short, because he pulls back first, telling Sam, "I can do better than that. My lips are still really cold."

But Sam's not bothered by it, and leans in to kiss Dean, allowing him to slowly pull his jacket off, while also doing the same for Dean.

But because he still has his dignity, Sam pulls away to say, "Fine. But second base is my limit.", then moves back in.

But then Dean tells him, "I'm happy with just this.", before leaning back in as well.

But wouldn't you know it, then they move a little faster, and for that moment, they didn't need to be anywhere else at all.

 

It's about another hour or so before they finally drive back to Lawrence, and when Dean opens the passenger door for Sam, he says, "Thanks for agreeing to go out with me."

Sam's still a little starstruck from the night as a whole. There's a lot of ways a night like this could've gone, but all in all, a very enjoyable one.

"I had a really good time tonight." Sam says in place of a farewell, and starts the walk to the front door.

But then, Dean speaks up from behind, "I miss you."

That makes Sam turn, not expecting that.

Dean's not done, "I miss us. I miss my husband. I love you, Sammy."

Well, then. Sam had been feeling pretty good about the whole night, and now he's being hit with the same reality check: Dean's still in love with a complete stranger, and now Sam sees the whole night in that ugly shadow.

But he doesn't say any of that to Dean, he just says, "I should get inside. Night, Dean."

Dean says ,"G'night.", back, and once he sees Sam close the front door behind him, he turns to his car.

He shouldn't have said that. Dean knew it wouldn't make a difference with Sam as he is now. But going home alone without his husband every night is weighing on him, and the whole night was going so well, he just couldn't help himself. 

And now he's set himself several steps back. Damnit.

Resigned, Dean makes the drive back to Topeka, kicking himself with every mile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The places mentioned in this chapter are real, but are similar in name only.


	17. When Dreaming Gets Drastic

Sam walks into the living took to take his shoes off, trying to be discreet, but apparently, Garth was waiting up for him, cause he calls out,

"Hey!"

Startled, Sam moves to Garth, who's sitting on the couch, telling him, "Hey. I didn't know you'd be here."

Garth just asks, suspicious, "Were you out with Brady?"

Sam replies, smug as he says, "No, I was with Dean."

While surprising, Garth doesn't show it, just asks, "Really? Cool. I actually like him."

Sam starts to reply, "Yeah. I like him too."

But apparently Sam's brain's working overtime, from both what just happened outside and just the whole night in general, cause next thing Sam knows, he's getting a bit weepy.

Garth has no idea what to make of this, so he asks, "Hey, are you okay?"

Sam can't even respond, just shakes his head as he tries to hold in a sob as he covers his face with his hands.

Garth immediately gets up to comfort Sam, telling him, "Jesus, I've never seen you like this. Is this crying thing part of the new Sam we keep hearing about? Cause it's weirding me out."

Sam starts babbling, "I don't know! I don't know which is the real me! I have a tattoo on my chest."

At that, Garth grabs Sam in a hug, who leans into it gratefully as he says, "And apparently I don't eat meat."

That makes Garth laugh, and it's a second before Sam's joining in.

 

The next day, Dean's talking to their friends about the date as they walk around downtown.

"It was exactly how I remember it. No, I'm wrong. It was even better! All the things that made me fall for Sam, they're all still intact."

Charlie sighs at having to be the one to give Dean a reality check,

"Dean, be serious. To you, the whole thing was a long lost love letter. But to Sam, it most likely was just a note you passed to him in school one day when you were bored. Unexpected, but still good."

Gabriel pipes up, "Exactly. Which is why you gotta go by the rule book and wait 3 days before calling."

This confuses Dean, "You're telling me I have to wait three days to call after a second first date with my own husband?"

Then Kevin decides to weigh in, "At a minimum. Probably even longer, since it's a unique case."

But Dean's got other ideas, "No way I'm waiting that long. The wedding's on Saturday. You just aren't getting it. It was plain as day. Even with this new thing in out lives, we're it for each other."

Then Kevin asks, "Is that actually in Sam's mind, or just yours?"

Dean snaps, "It's both, thank you very much." And walks away from them.

 

In Lawrence, it's just before dinner when Mary reminds Sam,

"We gotta start writing the place cards once we're done with food.", then leaves so John can talk to Sam by himself.

Then John says, "But before you do that, I have a little surprise for you."

Sam quirks an eyebrow, "Oh yeah?"

John starts, "You still remember your old law professor at Stanford, right?"

Sam nods, so John keeps going, "Well, I called him up, and it turns out he's now the dean at Washburn."

Sam just says, "Okay…", not sure why John's bringing this up.

"And he's gonna let you transfer all your credits, so you can come back."

This completely catches Sam off guard, "Are you serious? But I didn't even apply."

John waves it off, saying, "I took care of it. You know how persuasive I can be. He's even gonna let you transfer your full ride, so you don't have to worry about financial aid."

Sam's still in shock, "This is insane. It's like I'm being given an opportunity to get my whole life back."

The second it's out, he realizes it's true. He actually has a chance to get the life he lost back.

 

That night in Topeka, when Dean gets home, he looks through the mail, which over the past few weeks has started to pile up more and more with final notices and bills.

But Dean doesn't open any of them, just tosses them to the side and slumps down onto the couch. He can't think about his debt right now. The wedding's on Saturday.


	18. Play My Way

The wedding is beautiful. The guests throw flower petals instead of rice, and once the ceremony is over, the champagne comes out, and the wedding party starts taking pictures.

But Dean's got his sights on a certain tall hazel eyed best man, who's currently posing with Garth.

Once the bride and groom have rode off for their honeymoon, the reception gets started, and before long, Sam's dancing the night away with the rest of the guests.

Dean chooses instead to go stand somewhere he can take in the view, and wouldn't you know it, that's when John Winchester decides to come up, a bottle of whiskey in hand, along with two glasses.

"You look like you need a drink."

Dean tries to politely decline, "I think I've had enough for one night."

John insists as he pours, "But you haven't had this."

Then John says casually, "I'm actually glad I caught you by yourself. We've never really talked, have we?"

Then he hands Dean the glass, who accepts it reluctantly and takes a drink, before saying, "That is pretty good. But do you get a congratulations when it's your son's best friend's wedding?"

John moves onto the real reason he came over here, "I've been doing some thinking, and I've decided it's best if you cut your losses and let us pick up the slack."

Dean asks, confused, "The slack from what?"

John clarifies, "Everything with Sam."

Dean thinks he might understand, but doesn't say anything, so John goes on,

"I know because of your lifestyle, you don't have health insurance, and no doubt you're up to your eyeballs in debt. But there's still a way out."

Now Dean does understand, but he still asks more as a formality than anything else, "What what would that be?"

John doesn't sugar coat it, "Divorce him. You think you've got a lot of bills now? Keep it up, and it's gonna get worse."

Dean attempts to be civil, out of respect for him as Sam's dad than anything else, "Mr. Winchester, now's really not the time or place to be talking about this."

Seeing he's not getting through to Dean, John tries another angle, "Fine. You clearly don't care about your bakery, so tell me. What about Sam? Why can't you see what is obviously the only way this was ever going to go?"

Dean challenges him, "And you expect me to believe you know the first thing about doing the right thing?"

John confirms, "Absolutely."

Dean decides he's done playing nice, and snaps, "You, of all people, are the last person who should be giving advice about doing the right thing."

That makes John go hard, "Excuse me?"

Dean doesn't let up, because he really wants to know, "Tell me something. If you actually have the first clue about the right thing, why is it you never once came to Topeka to patch things up with Sam? He may have frozen you out, but not once did you ever call or reach out."

That stuns John speechless, encouraging Dean to land once last zinger, "I'll tell you why. Because you're a spineless coward."

Then Dean leaves him there, downing the last of his drink before sitting on one of the empty couches set up outside.

But luck just isn't on Dean's side tonight, because Brady walks up behind him, offering,

"I could introduce you to some people, if you want. Probably no fun being the only wallflower."

Dean's in no mood to play nice with Sam's ex, so he says, "I'm not a wallflower."

Brady tries again, "Whatever you say. Just saying, you're getting a few odd looks."

Dean snaps, "I'm just waiting for Sam."

Brady just notes, "Good luck with that one." and starts to walk away.

Maybe it's because of the whiskey, but Dean pipes up, "You're getting off on this, aren't you?"

That makes Brady turn around, asking, "Getting off on what?"

Dean explains, "Sam walks away from you. Gets a brand new life with a guy nobody cares to get to know. And now you get to watch him throw it all away."

Brady laughs a little, admitting, "I am a little bit."

Dean joins in in the laughing, but it's a cruel laugh, "Then let me tell you what I'm getting off on. I'm getting off on the fact that Sam told me every little thing about his relationship with you, Brady."

Dean can tell that got under his skin as Brady says, "Okay…"

Then Dean gets up to get in Brady's face, "He told me how when he was with you, he'd wake up in the middle of the night in a panic, thinking, 'Is this all my future really holds?'"

That hits an even bigger nerve, so Brady decides to fire back one of his own, "Oh wow. So he really told you everything, huh?"

Dean nods, "That's right."

Brady tells him gleefully, "Did he also tell you how a few days ago, he came to my office and practically threw himself at me?"

That makes Dean pause, so Brady goes on, "Or did that stop once he forgot you, and stopped giving a damn about what you thought?"

Finally, Dean gets his voice back, and says, "Look, I get why you feel the need to piss all over your property. You're obviously still in love with him, and think it's a matter of time before he comes back to you. But whether you like it or not, Brady, the fact of the matter is he was pushing you out the door long before I ever entered the picture. It won't take long before it's happening all over again."

Then Brady's done being nice, and says, "I'll definitely take that into consideration. Especially while I'm fucking your husband."

Dean decides he's done playing nice too, and punches Brady, knocking him to the ground and making a bunch of people gasp.

Behind him, Dean hears, "Dean!", and when he turns to look at Sam, he can't stop himself from looking hurt.

Sam has no idea what to make of what just happened, and doesn't even bother saying anything, just walks away.

Dean looks to make sure Brady's not hurt too bad, and once he sees him lift his head, Dean goes to follow Sam, calling out once he catches up with him,

"Sam, wait!"

Sam doesn't even turn around, just demands, "What the hell's wrong with you?"

Dean snaps back, "I have no idea. But that's actually a damn good question." Sam stops here, but Dean's not done, "Because I've been making a complete ass of myself, trying to hold onto what we have. While you, apparently, have been throwing yourself at Brady."

At this, Sam turns around to defend himself, "That's not fair!"

But Dean's past the point of giving Sam an out, and says, "Not fair? I'm not blind, Sam. I see the way you look at him."

Sam doesn't respond, so Dean says quietly, "I should know, because that's how you used to look at me."

Sam tries to say something, anything, "Dean, I…"

But Dean's still talking, "No. We have to start being realistic. Your memory isn't coming back, and all I'm ever gonna be to you is just another stranger."

Then Sam speaks up, "I'm not trying to hurt you." He pauses, before he finally says what he's been thinking for a while now, "But I'm sick of not being who you want me to be."

Now that Dean's said his piece, he's able to think more clearly, and tells Sam, "I know."

Sam knows no amount of times saying this will ever be enough, but he still says, "I'm really sorry, Dean."

Then Dean remembers what just happened,, " Jesus. Next chance I get, I'll apologize to Garth and Beth."

That cuts some of the tension, and Sam quickly assures Dean, through his tears, "Oh, don't worry about that. Wedding disasters have a way of turning into funny stories." But still, "Eventually, anyway."

But Dean's moved onto something else, because he's quickly coming to a conclusion he'd hoped would never happen, and yet here it is,

"How am I supposed to look at the man I love, and tell myself to let him go?"

Then Dean turns to walk away, and Sam almost does the same, but then Sam turns back around to stop him, saying, "Dean."

Dean does, hoping Sam will say something, anything, to stop him.

But Sam says instead, "I hope one day I can love someone as much as you love me."

And there it is. Sam's finally acknowledging Dean's love for Sam is real, and it's right as their marriage is ending.

All Dean can say to that is, "You found your way once. I have no doubt you can do it again."

Then he really does walk away, and once he's driven back to the city, he parks his car and walks the rest of the way.

There's only one thing he can think of to do at the end of this horrible night, and he's gonna do it, even if he ends up crying all over the dough.


	19. Let Her Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Staring at the ceiling in the dark  
> Same old empty feeling in your heart  
> Love comes slow and it goes so fast  
> Well you see her when you fall asleep  
> But never to touch and never to keep  
> 'Cause you loved her too much and you dive too deep

Knead. Knead. Knead again. Just keep kneading until it's all nice and mixed.

Somewhere, he thinks a light turns on, but doesn't look up, just keeps kneading the dough for the soda bread Sam used to love so much, knowing Dean only made it for occasions like this.

Kara, upon finding Dean already inside, lets him knead for a few minutes, before she moves closer, knowing there's only one reason for this.

"Oh no. You're here, which means you're not there." She knows the answer already, but she still asks, "Are you okay?"

Dean pounds the dough again, then answers, "I'm done. It's all over. I'm giving up."

Kara can't believe what she's hearing, "What? No! You're Dean freaking Winchester. You don't give up without a fight, and even then, you still find a way out."

Dean shakes his head, "Not this time. If we were supposed to be together, we would be. But we're just not."

Then, another favorite moment of his just comes pouring out,

"I remember the first time we went to the Monsoon Indian Grill, and they had this sign that said, 'Now serving Dum Briyani to go for $9.99.', and like an idiot, I made this stupid joke about how the owner was so proud to have reached his lifelong dream of serving his customers Dum Briyani to go for $9.99."

Kara laughs, because she just has to, as Dean continues,

"And when I was done, he didn't say anything for a few seconds, then he just said it, like it was a breath he'd been holding in for too long, or like he was saying it under his breath. 'I love you'. And it was just sitting there between us. He'd never said it before, and I didn't dare respond. I just wanted to let it hang there, so I could keep hearing it."

Dean pauses to catch his breath, before saying,

"That was two weeks after we met. Before, I'd only known him for 14 days, and he fell for me."

For a moment Dean looks like he could get lost in that memory, before bringing himself back, putting the dough away, resigned as he states, "He doesn't love me.", and walks out.

 

Now he's in Sam's flower studio, packing everything up in boxes. No use in holding onto dead weight. The Sam he's known for the past 5 years is dead. And so are his things.

Dean takes one last look around, at the now empty walls that used to be covered floor to ceiling in some form of flowers, before he leaves and locks up.

He puts the boxes in his trunk, then drives back to his apartment (it's his apartment now, there's no denying it. Sam doesn't want it.), then once he gets to the front door, he sees the chop pile Sam had saved not too long ago. But he doesn't throw it away, just leaves it there. He just can't bring himself to make that leap, so he just goes inside.

 

The next morning, he calls the divorce attorney that John and Mary no doubt called and arranged themselves, and pretty soon, he's there with her, who hands him the annulment.

He notices right away that Sam's already signed, meaning he didn't even have to think about it.

But that's not going to help him now. He just needs to sign it and be done with it. He doesn't think, just grabs a pen, signs his name, then walks out.

 

Some time later, Dean's taking out the trash and eating some leftover pizza, when he sees that dog Sam was feeding sniffing around the cans. He offers the dog the pizza, but she doesn't take it. Dean starts to turn around, but then on impulse, he turns around again, leading her inside. What the hell. Misery loves company.


	20. Whatcha Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mm whatcha say?  
> Mm that you only meant well?  
> Well of course you did  
> Mm whatcha say?  
> Mm that it's all for the best?  
> Of course it is

Who knows how much later it is when Sam's at the local Whole Foods, when he sees a familiar face.

"Kate? Hi! How are you?" He greets her, smiling.

Kate responds cautiously, "Sam, I want you to know. I'm sorry for never apologizing to you. I know you kind of disappeared for a while."

Sam admits, "Yeah  I just kind of...went away for a while."

Kate keeps going, "But you should know, I never wanted anything from your father for Adam, and as soon as your mother found out, he ended it. I really, really, wanted you to know that."

Once Sam hears that, he starts connecting the dots, while Kate keeps talking,

"I'm sorry to bring up such an ugly thing that happened…but I just had to apologise to you."

Sam's mind is still racing at this revelation, but he's all about being nice as he says, "No, I'm actually glad you told me."

Kate gives a small smile as she says, "Your mom was always a really good friend to me. Just wish I could find a way to fix things."

Then Garth walks up, saying, "The oranges were no good, so I got peaches.", holding up a bag of them.

Then he notices Kate, who doesn't say anything else, just walks out.

Sam's still reeling, all he can do is give Garth a look, demanding to know if he was in on this.

Knowing it's no use to lie, Garth admits, "I didn't want to keep it from you."

That seems to have loosened Sam's tongue, as he accuses, "You knew? All this time, and you said nothing?"

Garth knows it's useless, but he tries anyway, "I'm sorry, Sam."

Sam can't even stand to be near him, "Don't talk to me right now." and walks away.

"Sam." Garth calls for him, not even sure what else he could say, but Sam just keeps walking away. "Sam!"

 

A while later, Sam's pulling up the car to his parents' house, and walking right up to Mary, who's tending to her flower garden.

Once Sam's close enough, Mary cheerfully calls out, "Hey! Long time no see, stranger."

But when Sam says nothing, she calls hesitantly, "Sam?"

Sam doesn't even greet her, just tells her, "I bumped into Kate Milligan at Whole Foods."

Mary looks away, now knowing Sam knows the truth, while Sam accuses, leaving no room for another lie,

"That's why I shut everyone out. I found out, didn't I?"

Mary still says nothing. What can she say, really?

Sam snaps, "Mom, I'm still trying to figure out who I am now, and now I'm finding out you used my accident to just make it all go away?"

Then Mary does speak, because she needs Sam to know the truth, even if it hurts, "I couldn't lose you again, Sam."

But Sam's too upset to listen, and keeps up his rant, "Do you even have a clue how it feels to know this whole time was all a lie?"

Mary keeps going, "We were so happy. Happier than we'd been in years." trying to get Sam to see her side.

Sam's shaking his head, trying not to cry, "Jesus, Mom."

But Mary's not stopping, "We had our son back."

Sam snaps, "Only on your terms."

Mary denies, "No, it wasn't like that!"

Sam yells, "Yes it was. Same shit, different me." And starts to walk away.

But Mary can't let Sam walk away, "Sam!"

Sam does turn around, "He cheated on you with your friend, only turns out, he had a kid too! How the hell could you stay with him?"

Mary admits, "I almost didn't.", which makes Sam stop. "I was just going to go, and not come back. And then, I had a rare afternoon to myself. And I started looking at all our photos. Of you, your father, of us. This house was so filled with love. That doesn't just go away. We're a family, Sam. And that's when I realized, above all else, that's what mattered most. Not what happened."

Sam wants to say something, but Mary beats him to it,

"And I couldn't do it. I couldn't. I. Could not. Leave. Your father."

Sam does say something then, "So you just threw it away with the trash?"

Mary's adamant when she says, "No. I chose to stay, for everything he'd done right, instead of leaving him for the one thing he'd done wrong. I forgave your father."

Surprisingly, Sam's not thinking about that. Instead, he says, not happy at having to admit this,

"Looks like Dean was right after all. I can't figure out who I am surrounded by all of you."

Then Sam finally does walk away, now knowing where he needs to go next.

 

Dean's walking to his apartment with Charlie, when he sees someone waiting outside.

"Sam?"

Sam looks up, and upon seeing Dean with a woman, immediate apologizes, "I'm sorry."

But Dean's more concerned about why he's here than anything else, "Are you okay?"

Charlie takes the hint, "Obviously you two need to talk. I'll just go." and leaves.

Sam says again, "I'm sorry."

But Dean's all about Sam, moving closer and asking, "Something happen?"

Sam asks first, "Can I ask you a question?"

Dean states, not even having to think, "Sam, you can ask me anything, and I'll answer honestly."

Sam asks, "Did you know about my dad cheating on my mom and having a kid?"

Now Dean knows Sam knows the full truth, and doesn't have to keep it from him anymore. "Yeah, I did."

The Sam sits down, now knowing even the man that's supposed to love him so much knew, and said nothing.

Then he asks, not sure if he'll like the answer, "Why didn't you say anything?"

Dean sits down next to Sam, answering honestly, "I almost did. I wanted to so badly. But I couldn't do that to you. I knew how happy you were to have your family back. I wasn't gonna make you lose them all over again. That wouldn't have been fair to anyone."

Dean lets that sink in, then says, "I wanted you with me. But I wasn't gonna play dirty to do it. I wanted you back fair and square."

Dean watches Sam's face for his reaction, who covers his face with his hands, as he says, hoping Dean understands,

"I just can't afford to lose them."

Sam's not really expecting an answer, but when Dean speaks, he's surprised when all he says is,

"Then don't."


	21. Breakaway

Sam's in one of his classes in Washburn, the teacher talking,

"Certain parties have sought to nullify various congressional acts, claiming that repeated extensions of copyright protection constitute a perpetual copyright of the sort the drafters of the Constitution would have rejected. The United States Supreme Court, in the 2003 case of Eldred v. Ashcroft…"

But unfortunately, Sam's not taking any notes. Instead, his hands seem to be more interested in drawing flowers, and before he realizes it, he thinks it's actually coming along nicely.

 

Later, he's in the city with Brady.

"Thanks for taking me out to lunch." Sam says, as they keep walking.

Brady, however, has something else on his mind, "Actually, I called you out here cause I had something I wanted to tell you."

Sam's confused, but still curious, "Okay."

Brady tells him eagerly, as they stop, "It's over for me and Ruby."

Sam's surprised, and Brady continues, "I ended it, Sam."

Sam doesn't under at all, "What? Why? I thought you said you were gonna ask her to marry you."

Brady confirms, "We were. But that was before you happened."

Sam shakes his head, "No, it was after I happened."

Brady rolls his eyes, "Okay, fine, it was after you happened, but it was before the old you came back."

Sam insists, "No, Brady, I'm not the old me. I'm just...me. Whatever that means, I'm just trying to figure it out."

Brady assures him, "I know. And believe me, I understand. But regardless of which you are now, I don't care. I know you remember what we have. And now there's nothing stopping us from getting it all back."

Sam says gently, "Brady, our relationship was wonderful. The memories I have haven't changed. But they're the only ones I do have. I don't remember ending it, or what I did after. I just..."

Sam stops here, to look away as he says, "I need to figure things out by myself. Without you."

Brady shakes his head, asking, "You sure you don't remember how we broke up?"

Sam asks, "No, why?"

Brady tells him bitterly, "Cause it sounded a hell of a lot like that."

Neither of them say anything for a moment, but the. Brady says, "Let's go. I promised you a lunch.", and leads Sam towards their destination. And yeah. If nothing else, Brady's nice enough to follow through on his promises, even after being rejected.

 

After that, Sam's back at the Washburn campus, sitting on a bench when his dad walks up.

"Hey. Looked all over, and couldn't find you. How're your classes coming?" He asks, sitting down next to Sam.

Sam tells him, "Actually, that's part of what I wanted to talk to you about."

Once he's sure John's listening, Sam tells him, "I'm leaving law school. And I'm getting an apartment in Topeka."

John looks away, thinking he knows what this is about, "I can't go through this again. Damn it, Sam." then tries to say, "Look, I know I've made mistakes."

But that's not what this is about, and Sam quickly assures him, "No, this isn't about that, or anything you did. This is about me. It's what I want. What I want to do with my life, who I want to be."

Instead of arguing, John looks at Sam, begging, "Just tell me what to say so I don't lose you again."

When Sam answers, those two words from Dean come back to Sam. It's in those two words that he realized he underestimated Dean in ways even he didn't realize. Dean was even willing to lose Sam if it meant he still had his family, a courtesy he never would've thought Dean was capable of.

So when Sam answers, it's as easy for him to say as those two words were for Dean,

"You won't."


	22. Pictures of You

And that's the power of a moment of impact. Their potential to cause ripples far beyond what can be predicted, sending them crashing into each other, making them more closely related than ever before, whole still others spin of in a completely different direction, one previously thought unreachable.

But the funny thing is, no matter how hard you try, you can never truly know how you're going to react. When it washes over you, all you can do it just let the chips fall where they may, and wait for the next one to start the cycle all over again.

In the following months, it almost feels like a montage.

First, once Sam moves into his apartment, the first thing he does is cover the place in fake silk flowers, even drawing some on the walls to inspire him. Garth, of course, laughs at him the whole time, but Sam's just happy to be on the right track to finding himself again.

On Dean's side, he's back to focusing on his bakery, having managed to get his groove back enough to make his customers happy again. He's still nowhere near as happy as he was with Sam, but for now, a booming business is nothing to look down on.

As Sam promised, he didn't shut his parents out. They come to visit him in his apartment any chance they get. Honestly, it's more than Sam could've hoped for, especially after everything.

Dean still hasn't met anyone else, but he now has a dog to look after on the nights where the loneliness seems to be too much.

 

One night, when Sam's working on an arrangement, he reaches into a box to look for a different trimmer, when he sees a takeout menu from PT's.

At first, he's confused, but when he opens it, he sees his own handwriting, with words he's only seen on a DVD.

_I vow that you will never be the only one to carry the burden of life alone ever again. I will show you with my actions how much I love you every day, so that one day, you will see the amazing hero you are to me. I will make sure you always get your pie and not bring you cake unless it's asked for. I have made mistakes, and the fact that you love me even more despite them, is what makes me know you are the only one I will ever need._

 

That same night, Dean's just walking to PT's himself, as is tradition for cold snowy nights as this.

Or it would be, if he didn't see the makeshift sign on the window they reads, "Closed due to snow"

What he doesn't see is Sam walking up behind him, in a jacket and beanie, with a big smile on his face.

So when Dean turns around, he's stunned. His husband(he doesn't care if they're divorced. Hell always be Dean's husband to him.) looks so beautiful in the snow, wish little flakes on his head, wrapped up in a jacket that fits just right on him. 

Somehow, he recovers and moves closer to where Sam's standing, and says, "Hi."

Once Sam's closer to Dean, he says it back, "Hey."

Dean's still a bit starstruck, but he manages to say, "Please tell me you didn't come all the way out here just for a sugary coffee drink."

Sam tells him easily, "Funny thing about that. I've been back in Topeka for about 6 months. A few blocks away from here, actually."

Dean's surprised, but happy for Sam, "Really? That's... that's awesome."

Sam tells him, "I'm even back at Johnson County Community College."

Dean can't even speak after hearing this, "Are you serious?"

Sam nods, "That's right."

Dean's nothing but happy for Sam, "That's incredible."

Sam keeps going, "Well, right now I'm just sitting in on a few classes, but it's kind of insane how good my muscle memory is when my brains still kaput. So, I guess a thank you is in order."

Dean's quick to deny it, "What? No. I didn't do anything."

Sam quickly contradicts him, "Wrong. You did everything. I thought you just wanted the old me back, but I was wrong. You just wanted me, in whatever form I might be in, even if it meant losing me."

Dean needs Sam to know, "All I wanted was for you to be happy. Regardless of what I had to do to make that happen."

Now that that's out of the way, Sam looks to the sign on the door, and asks, "Don't we usually go to another cafe not too far from here whenever we can't go here?"

Dean starts to answer, "Yeah, act…" but then he realizes what Sam just said. "Wait, Sammy? Do you... remember?"

Sam gives a sad smile, despite knowing it doesn't matter anymore, "No, I don't. I wish. Those 5 years are still a mystery to me. But I've been hanging with Charlie a lot, and she's been telling me a lot about us."

Dean's only sad for a second about the memory thing, then focuses on the other part, "Oh really? Like what?"

Sam nods, "That you've been single since we signed the papers."

Dean can easily confirm this, "Well, she's right. What about you? Are you... seeing anyone?"

Sam smiles again as he shakes his head, then asks, "So, you wanna go to the backup coffee house? With me?"

Dean's starting to feel a flutter of hope in his chest, so he doesn't think twice, he just says, "Sure."

As they start walking, the flutter gets bigger, and it's then that Dean gets an idea. One he's sure Sam won't object to. After all, since he's getting to know his husband all over again, why doesn't he do the same.

"Hey, what do you say to finding a place neither of us have been to yet?"

Hearing this, Sam's all too eager to reply, "I'd like that."

With that, they start in a different direction, and somewhere along the way, they take each other's hands.

But the thing is, when Sam's hand touches Dean's, he feels like he sees a flash of this happening so many times before, and each time feels as right as this one does now.

Sam doesn't know if it's a sign his memory is coming back, or if it was a crazy fluke, but honestly? Right here, right now, in this moment of impact, he can say there's nowhere else he'd rather be, with Dean by his side every step of the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end of this wonderful story. I left it deliberately ambiguous because I wanted my readers to have a more satisfying ending than the movie did, one where it's open to interpretation if Sam's memory comes back.
> 
> See you for my next story!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments comments comments!


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